My idea Kate, is that A.A.is my family, border to border form one end of the earth to the other, whenever and whereever i walk into an A.A. room, the presense of being wanted and loved spills over me beofre i even enter the room, because i know where i am going.

Im not sure why you would have to hover around people,you think they would just notice you,, But Alcoholicly thinking we think why hasnt anyone noticed me.. Your ok. 9 months is a long time to not be at ease in your home group especially.

Kate, your ok.Just observe and see what the beef is all about? Maybe your sitting of on the side for a reason right now, what are you noticing by being an observer, is God trying to show you something?
Chew on that for a bit.. Godbless you and Godspeed..

I am noticing I dont like being an observer and it makes me uncomfortable. I guess my disease tells me I have nothing in common...I find it hard to talk about things. Maybe you are right, maybe my HP is teaching me something that I yet cant see. Thanks for reply.

Why don't you mention this during the meeting?
Just say you are 9 months into the program and you need to make friends , but You have a hard time starting conversations and don't know what to say. Then say you are sticking around after the meeting and would appreciate some help in this area.
The other thing you can do is get involved in the set up and clean up that way convrsations will start naturally.

I am not that confident Reed that is the issue. Thats just too 'out there for me'.

Tonight I raised my sponsor issue in my share thinking that would be a talking point for me to try to get to speak to others, that maybe someone would reach out and help, nothing. So....maybe I am on the sidelines to learn something. I know if it wasnt for my service position at this group, I wouldnt be going.

Thanks for your post replies, I do seem to be struggling with AA at the moment so.....I need to get my bum on more seats at different meetings.

I feel the same way . I just started going up to groups of people talking and they brought me in to talk. I was just tired of feeling left out. The more i was sober the easier it seems to be.

I agree with Berryterri. They best way to start a conversation is to jump in. I'm normally a very shy person, so for me to jump in is hard, but I do it.


God bless and good luck.

Well you are staying sober,(that's the main reason to be there) and I'm sure you will blossom into a social butterfly some day. LOL

Thanks very much, and you are right SL, I am sober and I know this is the most unnatural thing to me to do but my sobriety depends on it.

On the social side.....

I had been going to a Sunday meeting where there were 10 men and 2 women but it was good recovery and I used to chat, mainly to the men, and share every week. I then didnt think it was 'right' due to women/women, men/men, etc. so started looking for another meeting.

Is it so wrong to go when I was getting so much out of it? It is 'perception' to others that stops me.

i found the same at meetings, everyone new each other through rehabs and had clicked.
didnt get to know people at all, didnt even really get numbers.
people just ignored me or thought i was doing ok i guess.
i still found meetings really useful but not socially.
it reminded me of being at school socially, everyone part of a club and i was an outsider.
they were freindly enough superficiously but didnt want to know me outside meetings.
i think its fault of groups in general, they dont realise they are being so cold.
i shared how i felt once and i did get someone come up and give me there number, but they relapsed.
Still want to go, but not for social reasons.

Kate, when I first came to AA I was AMAZED at what took place after meetings! Pople stood around talking to each other! I used to stand in a corner, clutching my little plastic cup of tea and stare at the phenomenon before me, two people standing in conversation with each other, it looked animated and enjoyable and I wondered how the f**k they could do that - what could they be talking about? How did they KNOW what to talk about? And then ... the weirdest thing would happen! Other people came over and just joined in the conversations of the twos without a bye or leave! I was flabbergasted and not a little flumoxed. How did they know it was ok? Did the others give off some kind of signal that could be recognised by a lone person looking for a chat?? How did they not make a .... well ... a ... mistake (there I've said it now) and join in a private conversation? Oh my God it was a minefield and yet do you know, I've no idea how I started doing it ... I just sort of did and I never even noticed!

At some point you will have friends who you will kid of hang out with and then going to AA dances etc won't seem such a trial. Oh, well actually, they might because I still hate the bloody things - they are just not my thing, but i went to them when I first got sober, 'cos I was afraid I might miss something and I was desperate to belong.

It usually just happens truly!!

Anyway, when I first got to AA, I was so angry that people were scared of me. (I didn't know I was angry of course!!)

This is the beauty of PROPER 12 step calls. When someone asks for help and we go off to see them and have a chat before we even go to a meeting, it means that the newcomers knows 2 people (however vaguely) already. They come with us to a meeting and they get introduced to my sponsees and my sponsors sponsees, if they are there. They then get introduced to some other members of the group and so, the next few times they go to meetings people start to recognise them and speak to them. When they start flying solo, they are already known to a surprising number of people. That makes it MUCH easier!

Kate i know how you feel cos i feel the same and its not easy just to go up and start talking to someone, even if i know the person i still find it hard, but im a quite person anyway and find it hard to talk.

Move to Wales Kate - we are friendlier than the English :D :P

Hey son, I know that you are quiet and I know you find it so hard, but I still see you speaking to newcomers at the Friday meeting!! WTG

I also remember standing and waiting to be noticed, part of, as i alwasy felt not part of! MY sponcor started having me shake peoples hands before and after and after a while I started to get to know people better and before ya know it I had to many people to talk to LOL. Ijust moved a year ago and STILL have not felt comfy in ameeting, I KNOW I am the one who has to make the first move and put my hand out, and come early and stay late, help clean up helps as well or taking the coffee commitment God Bless Give time time ;) Love & Blessings Donna S

I love to meet new People so instead of waiting for someone to talk to me I go out of my way to talk to who ever, it is good practice also because I always feel akward untill they shake my hand and we start talking, maybe it is Humility but I like to do things that are uncomfortable it keeps me Sober!