It sounds like you are doing a lot by caring, being involved, medicine and counceling.

I wish I had the magic answer on how to stop, but I don't.

The only things that seem to help me are keeping my hands busy with other things. I know that is hard when sitting at school all day or work.

Maybe set her up a rewards program for NOT pulling?

I wish your daughter the strength she needs to overcome this with the rest of us.

i feel your pain , yor daughter is lucky to have you , i wish my oarents understood that it was a disorder and tat i was not crazy , plz do hug her sweeetly when you see her pulling , never yell or suprise her , very slowly take her hand and kiss it and give her a hug , that was done to me once by an ex boyfriend , and i felt so warm and cared for that i almost cried .... also seek a professional , therapy has helped me a lot , better than medication , both they work wonders , you are a mom that wants the best for her daughter , this is not your fault or hers , it s just how it is , keep her hair wet all the time , it works , you can get those spraying detanglers with a nie smell to them that she likes , and keep spraying it , i used to pull so much and bite the end and put them in my school books that i was reading , or pile them up while i m watching tv at her age , i m here for you , you can do this together with all of us ...

It sounds like I am very similar to your daughter. I started pulling in 4th grade, and am almost 26 years old now. I have seen dermatologists, counselors, changed my environment multiple times, behavioral therapy, etc and still no answers! However, I can tell you that your daughter is fully capable of living a fulfilling, adventurous, wonderful life regardless of how much hair is on her head. Good will come from this somehow! I know that my mom had a hard time dealing with my trich because A) Nobody knew what trich was when I was a kid/teen. B) It was noticeable to the general public and she had to constantly explain it to people. Once I became an adult, she told me she dealt with feelings of shame, embarrasement, and helplessness watching me grow up. Do not neglect to take care of your emotional needs, too. Try to read books, attend conferences, start a support group in your area, etc. MOST OF ALL, remind yourself that you cannot control your daughter or make her change. If I could change, trust me I would. I have been trying everday for over 15 years! Just be there for her, love her, support her decisions, and help her communicate and gain confidence in other areas of her life (besides looks). That is what will make successful in the long run. You are doing a great thing by addressing the problem and learning about trich. Props to you!!!

Everyone has given you good advice.

I wanted to add that some ppl can have reactions to certain meds that can actually make them pull more.

As to the reward system. Find something that she wants but not to expensive. Find a picture of it and tape that picture up where she can see it often. Then set a goal. If she pulls alot then make it a short term goal. Say 2 days. If she reaches the goal she gets the reward.

Then find a new reward and set a new goal of a longer time. Say try for 4 days. If your budget allows for it you could tell her that as time goes by that if she can go a month the value of the reward would go up. It's up to you and your family and your budget.

It doesn't always have to be a bought gift. A trip to the park just you and her (if you have other children) you get the idea I think.

I'm so glad to see a parent seeking help instead of shaming their child. I applaud you.

Try gently asking her what she is thinking/feeling when she pulls. Even tho she is seeing a councilor she may not trust s/he enough yet to truly open up.

I agree that your daughter is soooooo lucky to have you. My mom tried to help me but that was way before the internet and info to help. Be patient with her and just help her to help herself. Give her the tools she needs to cope with the stress in her life. Get her active in sports and stuff to get the stress out. Maybe you could have her join this site instead of you so that she could openly share her feelings. I agree with crzychik about the meds. I personally don't feel that there is a good med that works for trich. There are some things like depression, bipolar, anxiety that meds work great for but I have yet to see one that works for trich. There are so many non med things to do like yoga, meditation, changing diet (she definitely needs to steer clear of sweets/caffiene like all of us). You are doing the right things, just dont' be too hard on yourself or her. Hang in there and read through the old discussions for more help.

She is so lucky to have you my parents too do not understand they just yell and scream they even made me pay a quarter everytime they saw me pull... When i was giving them over 50 dollars a day they relised it was unrealistic... Keep loveing and suporting!!! I cant tell you how to help her because i havent over come it yet... BUT GOOD LUCK!!! WE are here for you
-Ashley-

i agree that she is lucky to have you. my mother only told me how ugly i looked after i pulled. as if i WANTED to do it, or WANTED to look that way. just remember to tell her that she is still beautiful, and that she is not crazy for this disorder. i wish i had an answer as to how to stop, but there doesnt seem to be one. ive been pulling for 26 years. try sitting with her at night until she falls asleep, as i bet she pulls at night while in bed, alone, more than anything. talk openly about it with her, and tell her that you understand that she doesnt know why she does it and that it is ok. self esteem is very important at her age. also, someone else had a pretty good idea on another post: try a stress ball for her to squeeze. but make sure she has two, one for each hand. also, is she on the medication just because she pulls? some people claim that they help, but for me it has never done a thing. if it is not helping, you may consider taking her off of it, as some meds can cause other side effects: weight gain, deeper depression, fatigue, etc. even if the med description doesnt state it as a side effect.