I often spend much of my time checking around corners and waiting for the bottom to fall out when good things are going on in my life. I think that a person just gets used to bad happening. I have learned now to enjoy all that life offers..when it is good. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Like I told my mom today, when my depression is at its worst I could win the lottery and still feel like the future was just a bottomless pit of despair. I was also talking about how when I read all the difficult and horrible things others have been through I almost feel guilty for my depression. Still I have to acknowledge that it's a mental illness. If it weren't . . . I wouldn't be on drugs. It's a physical problem that isn't necessarily related to the negative aspects of my life. Oh they all work together to create depression . . . but still.

I get anxious when I've been feeling decent for a while . . . like I just know I'm gonna feel like sh*t soon . . . and the drop is always harder when I've been okay. So I get afraid of it, anxious, which often brings on depression . . . its a vicious cycle so I have been trying very hard not to think that way.

I agree with both of you. I hate feeling that way, try not to, but sometimes, even now, things are great, but I fear the bad is coming back.

Every single day. :/ My mom had made such a great life for me and I make good grades. I should be able to do anything if this weren't holding me back. No one understands that though.

Yep

i agree with what they others have said and yes i feel like that too. i call it the "trolls" in my head beating me up.hugs

my cycle is that life really is not that bad yet its not 'satisfying' thus i feel guilty and selfish. those feelings tend to undermine my self-esteem and the circle of depression amplifies