jealosy has been and is a big part of my family, my dad and brother were both aspies and were far too jealous of others, thru a basic insecurity, I think

my dad would sulk if I happened to do anything better than he could do it, he never felt any happiness that I had done anything well, unless he could do it better

I have never felt jealousy in my relationships. But, then, I don't get emotionally attached to people. Everybody comes and goes from my life, what's the point in becoming attached??

Intreresting question Zwill,

(your perspective and mine semm a lot alike so often I mean)

For me yes it can be there but it can often just like NT's depend on strength of the relationship etc.

with my last girl friend one of her drinking buddies was consatantly giving her flowers (more frequently than I did... (often 2-3 times a week for him...

I told her the first time he did it it make me feel uncomfortable only and asked her to tell him it was inappropriate...

because he knew her & I were together and loved each other a & that was why we were together...

she replied he gives flowers to lots of gals...

I replied ok shom 6 and I'll accept that ... otherwise I say he just wants in your pants...

she couldn't prove or show me any other gals he gave flowers to in our small community..


yes I did feel jealous when he came around because of her posturing (if that makes sense...

also my first fiancee and I had a situation that occured near the end of our 6 year relationship...

she was working at a local convieniece store in our ski resort town...

a guy tried to aske her for a date while I was in the store...

(he had no idea I was her bf or was in the store ... I had just walked in the door just prior to him asking her for a date...

she pointed to me and said "Ask Him"

this response was totally unexpected and caught me off guard

prior to this I felt quite confident in myself and our relationship and was sure her reply would have been something like

thank you but I have a really great fiancee whom I have been with for 6 years & I plan to marry him...

to this suprise...

I turned to her first and said

"Dawnie, you can date anyone you wish, and if you can find aman who will love you more and treat you better than I am go for it...

I then turned to him..

In a calm and somver tone...

And said Thank you for complimenting me in my good taste & her for her attractiveness...

I have workecd very hard for 6 long years in honing my trade and loving this gal to get to the point of providing a secure income

to provide her with the kind of weddintg she deserves

and a good home to eventually start a family

I love her with all my heart and will not give her up without a valiant fight for her love and heatt...

I also said so if you 're like most guys just looking to get her into bed ... you may want to think twice...

I'm sadly disappointed in her response to your request, because I really love her with all my heart, mind & soul...

most of the time my jealousy has been well founded...

but it also is easy to see and understand why at times we Aspies could and can be overly jealous without good reason too..

because for us (Aspies) out relationship toolbox and/or chemistry set is missing tools or chemiicals

and therefore is defective or broken...

so it is harder for us to develope or get into a relationship to start with...

and most of yus realise the harder we have to work at it...

so I also believe we also can become oversesitive easily to possible threats or infringements to it

possibly even tho the extent of the individual over reacting...

but I really feel it it about how the 2 people interact and handle the issues together as a couple vs seperately as individuals daing steady or fiancee...

I hope I have made sense here..

I allso believe there are huge variables here which depend on the severity of a persons AS symthoms which might affect the interacton with their Nt partners..

mine is very mild and I think has a lesser effect than someone with more severe symthoms

Walt

This sparked a really interesting debate at my house. As often happens with topics on this forum that I share with my HFA spouse and we debate about.

At first his comment to me was that he was too "self-centered to ever be jealous".

To which I said "Yeah, right."

Then he said "OK, so I am a little jealous." Then he went on trying to justify all the things that make him jealous. He seems most jealous of my relationship with our kids. (Our girls don't know how to handle him any more than he knows how to handle them, and there is not a strong bond there.)

He also gets very jealous when I talk to other guys. Keep in mind that I am a business person and talk to tons of different people daily. So, if a man was to call the house for me his first response would be "Who was that? What did he want?" rather than assuming it was business related he would assume something else. By the way, I've NEVER given him a reason to think the something else part.

As an NT, I am not so jealous about relationship stuff. However, I am very jealous of other people's stuff or what they are doing. Like, "Why can't I take a month to go to Cabo like our friend Terry did??" Rationally, I know that there are a ton of reasons that I can't take a month off. But, that doesn't make me feel any less pissy about it. Now, that kind of thing doesn't even phase my husband.

So, we both have the jealousy but it is rooted in different things. How we handle it is HE keeps reminding ME that even though being a beach bum for a month sounds great that it would drive me nuts to do nothing at all for 30 days. (Which is very true). And, I keep finding ways to get him and the kids to interact more by finding activities that they can do with dad. And, if a guy that he doesn't know happens to call the house, then I try to tell him all the details so that he doesn't freak. So, I guess in that way we look out for each other as much as possible. Have each other's back so to speak.

Now, the kids are a different matter. They are sisters and less than two years apart. The jealousy runs both ways there for every little thing. But they really are best friends and are nice to each other despite the jealousy. So, it all seems pretty typical kid stuff.

Sweet Jesus! Jealousy can be an evil and painful monster for the person that feels it, and unfair for the person its aimed at. It probably come from all the reassurance that many of us need, try alot of that :), but both people need to budge at least a bit...or try to.