Grammy Time!
Today was all-out Grammy time!! Or, I should say, "Moira time". The time I missed with my …
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We had a terrific time at the zoo yesterday. Me, Gramps and Moira. They even have a preschooler waterpark which ended the outing perfectly. And for once, I was on the ball enough to remember to pack her a swimsuit ... no sunblock mind you, but Gramps bought a little tube at the swim shack. She had a blast. Thought she'd sleep like a rock at naptime, but .... noooo! We "discussed" it at length, including threats, bribes and such, but in the end, I broke. We then went swimming, and when daddy picked her up .... WHAAAAA!!! all the way to the car, and I hear later, all the way through the grocery store until they got home. My son (her daddy) raked me over the coals for not seeing that she got a proper nap. So sue me. At least I orchestrated a wonderful outing, gave all (plus some I didn't really have) to my grandchild, because I love her so dearly and it grieves me that I can't watch her on a regular basis. I know he's in a rotten marriage, but that doesn't give him license to take it out on me.
And where was her mom? Where she usually is ... lying on the couch watching scummy shows like Jerry Springer while her child is at the YMCA daycare. My SIL, Patty, is God's test for me. To love the unloveable. To love someone who hurts your own. To love someone that doesn't know how to love. Patty evidently wasn't raised with a lot of love, direction or affection. And it was obvious from the moment Moira was born that there was a strange lack of bonding between mother and child. It has been a mystery to me. I thought those things were instinctive, but I'm here to witness and tell you they are not!
She is currently on a "medical" leave ... truth is my son confided in a wonderful old German doc about his marriage. The doc was kind enough to write a FMLA for Patty, to look for a new job. She was in a job that required 60+ hous a week, which was a hindrance to the marriage and family life. But for three months, she's laid on the coach, let Garrett continue to get the baby up in the morning, take her to daycare, pick her up, do all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and childcare. He's shared with us that Patty has only given Moira a bath TWICE ... I'm not kidding you ... since she was born! Garrett always gives Moira her baths as well.
Garrett has about reached his end with the marriage. I've told him he's a better person than I am ... I would have been out of the marriage a long time ago. BUT, and this is a BIG but, I cannot in good conscience suggest a divorce. To do so is to give up on Patty and I know God doesn't give up on anyone. He can take a seemingly impossible situation and turn it around. He can take someone who the rest of the world has discarded and change them from the inside out. But they have to be willing. And I know how I respond to the whole situation can have an impact.
So I'm asking God to help me to love Patty. Let me understand where she came from and realize that's why she is like she is. But it also comes down to her choice ... does she really want to change and will she let Him change her? This is my prayer. I'd appreciate yours.
Love in Him,
Rhonda
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This situation hurts you on so many levels Rhonda. First your son is in an unhappy, unhealthy, unproductive marriage..that's sad. Secondly your granddaughter is left to be taken care of by daddy, and we all know important the "mommy" role is to a child this age. Moira is missing some really important stuff due to Patty's indiference. This must be terribly unsettling to you Rhonda. I know it would mess me up.
I can pray that you would be able to understand Patty, and yes God is able to take a person and change them, but I don't know if I could let the neglect of Moira go without a long heart to heart with Patty! Has that happened? If not, is it because you don't want to interfere, or your son would be upset?? This girl has problems. It may not be healthy for Moira to be around her. If you are wondering what your boundaries are here, speak to Garrett and ask him. You are Moira's flesh and blood and this woman is abusing the child and her husband with selfishness and neglect.
Time for a heart to heart either with you and Garrett as to what HE is going to do about his wife's behavior, which is unacceptable, or for YOU and Patty about her behavior, which is unacceptable.
I'm no shrink, Rhonda, but as your friend I feel your pain and would have to let my son take the reins in his marriage. Either the wife gets it together or she doesn't. She has to take responsibility for the child she produced and her husband has to see to it that she does.
Pray for them both, so will I, and I always pray for you.....love you.
DarlaC
This is hard, you have so much love to give and it's hard to watch a child going home to a place where there is a lack of love. Don't underestimate how valuable you are to your grandaughter. You will show her she is valuable and worthwhile which will stand her in good stead. It's good that she has a Dad and Granny who cares so much. That acts as a buffer. Prayers are with you x
Loomcgoo
I see some of the mother of Damien in her. With Damien's mom, her mother suffered with post partum depression at a time when it wasn't taken a whole lot seriously. Erin (damien's mom) never really felt loved by her mother esp when her brother came along and he seemed to receive more affection. After Erin gave birth I think she also had ppd but more after the fact, like a few months after.
I know we aren't talking ppd here but maybe your son's wife never felt a mother's love.
maybe the LORD placed her in with your family so that she could see and feel the love of a mother towards her family.
Prayers are going up for the whole family.
blessings
love and hugs
mary
It is a difficult situation. She needs counselling but would she go for it?
Snuffles
The best thing you can do is to continue to love and pray for Patty and keep loving your grandaughter. Your son and granndaughter are blessed to have you there . God does answer prayers. Sometimes not the way we want him to and your right, the hardest thing to do is love some one who isn't worthy of our love, but I also know I am not worthy of God's love but he still loves me.So with Patty speak softly hug her often, when you can and try to show her love along with all of us prayin gmaybe this will change her. Love n hugs , frieda
MrsTDC
Such great advice here Rhonda..This is really tough.Poor Moira.Not having your Mom is hard, especially when she is there but not..She needs to step up to the plate, be evaluated for severe depression,and your son needs to figure what is going to be important , if she isnt depressed and just lacks responsibility and is just lazy then yall go from there,
Your son.He may be just lashing out from exhaustion of having to deal with work and care of Moira. like being a single parent.
Our Grandparents help build us ,our hearts , our souls and morals..So Moria and your son are blessed ..His wife is blessed for you just caring enough to try..That is the way of God. But sometimes he has other plans , and it may be one of those times.
But just love Moria and ignore any thing..Without you Moria would not have the kind of love you can show her as a mother and a grandma yourself...Just love her like u do.
I do know that people that aren't shown love and family, that once they have it, it can change them...I live with that person..No affection etc...So it was a challenge , but the love of myself and my family have pulled him out of that..So dont give up , unless u feel that u have done all you can.And prayers and hugs and nice little things may start bringing her around. But serioulsly she sounds depressed to , the lack of momness when m was born..and what she seems to be doing..There is something wrong that needs to be evaluated..And then if she is just bad mom...Then it will be in Gods hadns and your sons..You just be there for him and Moria..Give her that love and support only you and Gary can..Beleive me it will stick with her through life..
I may not give the greatest advice but I hope something here might help...Love you girl..
hugs and more hugs.... my sweet sonshine......
littlemisstracy2u
Oh hon ... my heart breaks for you. I will pray that you will see Patty through God's eyes.
4sons
I will keep you all lifted in prayer.
You are such a sweet and loving lady, and im so glad to have you as a friend.
You are doing an awesome job!! Carry on, just loving them as you are. God will help you love Patty, i will pray that he guides you through this.
Lots of love and hugs, xxx
Sweet_Jasmine
Thanks guys (gals). I appreciate the advice ... it's all been good. It is truly a hard case. They've tried counseling ... either one likes the counselor and the other doesn't, then they drop the ball. I think Patty loves Moira in her own way, I just don't think she knows or realizes it's an unhealthy way. Thanks again for answering my call for help! I'll stay on my knees. Love you all, Rhonda
RhondaSonShine
Yes trust God my dear friend He WILL show the way and give you the love and the words..... For He says ...be still and know I am God...I love this XXXXXXXXX
julesd
queeeny hugs and prayers.
i agree with all above.
it is their life and their desission.hard to stand back and look in from outside.xx
queenyjoe