lorrieonline's Journal

Just finished 14 minutes on the treadmill, longest I've gone in a very long time.  After yesterday though, there is no way I'm not exercising. 

Went to a movie, always at the very top and back of the theatre.  Great movie (Bucket List) and had to run to the restroom in the middle.  Wasn't sure I could make it down the stairs since there is no rail at the top 10 or so rows.  (How dumb is that?)  On the way back up, I almost just sat on the steps - my legs didn't want to do it.  Each step took me about a minute - seems like forever - no rail - just trying to balance in the middle of the step.  A guy stood up and offered his arm and walked me to my seat - wouldn't let me go until I was firmly planted.  Thank God for that.  My ex was totally oblivious to my problem (again).  We're friends but there are good reasons we aren't married anymore, lol.

So, I sat and cried for just a couple of minutes from the frustration, the humiliation, anger, you name it.  Then I figured, no more top of the stairs for me at the movie... it's just not smart.  Today, not wanting to give up, I got on the treadmill and pushed it to 14 minutes.  Couldn't go 15, the left leg was really starting to drag.  I want to stay strong, or get strong, if it kills me to try.  Life is too short to have all this nonsense.  I hate it! 

I still want to dance, sing, paint, do all of the things that I've dreamt of and put off.  Feels funny, but I think we all need a bucket list.  Things to do before we die.  Only we really should have goals and make sure to accomplish things so we can keep moving on to new and better. 

This week, I resigned from the church choir for now.  New church with steps to the stage and risers - yeah, not a smart move for me right now.  I figured if it is meant to be for me, they will offer me a chair or a stool at some point and if they don't, it's not my calling.  That simple. 

There's too much to do to let things hinder I think.  The next project for me is painting.  I actually looked in the "how to" booklet the folks dropped off and am seriously ready to sketch the photo I took and begin my project.  (right after the wash, the other chores i have to get onto, lol.)  I truly expect to start sketching today though.  I mentioned the desire to paint and the folks stopped by with canvas and paints and a book my mom has had for years.  Even brought pages of sketches and doodles they had saved of mine to reinforce my desire to create.  They really are so cool and I'm lucky to have them for my own.

All in all, starting every day with stretching and exercising has got to be key.  There is no day without movement for me.  I was practically born dancing and this nonsense is killing me. 

I am grateful for my friends on here.  Thank you for being the wind in my sails and the strength to move on.  I hope I provide some sense of the same for you.