lorrieonline's Journal

It seems that meningioma is a benign tumor many are walking around with.  Because it's in a good location and shouldn't be a problem,  Dad is supposed to check on it every so often. 

Now they are still testing to find what is causing symptoms as they think it is not tumor related.  I took a copy of Discover Magazine which had an article about the inner ear and it seems the symptoms are related and could even be Meniere's. More testing today and a visit by an ENT doc should turn up something.

It's amazing how worry is so tiring.  After the doctors were saying on Friday that they thought he could just leave the tumor alone and it wasn't causing a problem, a state of decompression seemed to set in.  I was exhausted and can only imagine how Dad feels.  Other than tired of being told not to walk or drive.  This is a guy who less than 10 years ago jumped out of my stalled full size (8 cylinder) vehicle and told me to just steer it while he pushed it down the road to get it into a parking lot, always strong as an ox.  To see him feeling weak is just not normal. I explained that to the doc. Dad is 74 now and running a business where he works outside.

Hopefully, we'll find some answers today. 

Took my Dad to the hospital yesterday and he didn't want me to go in since I can't walk well.  His doc wants him in to keep from walking and driving and he will see a neuro today about a brain tumor of all things. 

He has a mangioma said to be small and in a good place to be treated.  He may have several different options.  I heard that a doctor at Shands can zap one with magnetic resonance.  I guess I better get back down there and just have the car valet parked and get wheeled to his room. 

My father has always been bigger than life to me - I can't believe this is happening to him.  He seems a bit disoriented here and there and has disequilibria.  I guess I better get ready and get down there.  I'm a bit scared.

Ms sure provides its ups and downs.  I'm happy more than sad though and when the sadness or anger kicks in, yikes! 

I am so grateful in so many ways to have so many wonderful friends in my life.  My pastor said at church today that it's more than people at church, it's a family.  He was so right.  Friends helped to make sure I could get back stage ok and at the second service, it seemed half the choir went up those back stairs with me.  Blessed?  No doubt.

News of my job loss went around quickly and someone was there with a business card for me and another friend is helping revise my resume, another dear friend is having me over tomorrow to start a disability task force so to speak. 

It is so nice to have input from friends who want to help.  Yesterday I was disgusted with the MS.  Had been feeling good Thursday and refuse to think I can't handle finding a new job but alas, I guess the surprise and the new challenge wore the heaven out of me for Friday and Saturday.  Today, I got up and did a little resistance training for my weak leg.  The fighting spirit is trying to come through. 

I've managed to sing with the choir through our church services and prepare a vegetable tray for my family get together today.  I guess life is good today.  My son is coming from next door to bring a table to shuck oysters outside and Mom and I will be baking up oysters and hopefully, we'll just have a nice get-together.  It's my boyfriend's birthday and I feel so guilty that my MS seems to overshadow everything.  I guess it's an anger thing too.   I always feel that if I were better at planning and being a good camp director, the limitations wouldn't come into play so much.

Do we all feel this way?  If only I could handle my own MS better sort of deal.