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  • Image of Bcalm

    About Me

    My Name Is Julian, I'm 19, I love music, I'm an amatuer poet, I like sharing my work and hearing others. I'm not in therapy or on meds. Pelvic Thrust, On a Bus, No Kids, No Driver, Just The Teacher, and The Mail Man Behind Her...... ROFL!!!wtf? It just came to me...lol i dunno>_>that's my only explanation. For some actual work of mine visit www.freewebs.com/bcalm just click *view all blog entries* ________________________________________________________________________________________________FYI.....If we dun talk on a reg basis you will be deleted...no need havin a million ppl i dun talk to on my friends list...

    Interests

    Feeling Better AkA.....Thinking Positively about the future, eating healthy, exercising daily, and maintaining a reasonable sleep pattern. And although just about all men never actually mature...I'd like to get as close as possible....

  • Recent Activity

    • Sorry, there is no activity in the My Activity feed.
  • Journal

    • I think ima let my hair grow

      Mood May 23, 2008 9:38pm

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    • Still playing an hr or more everyday

      Mood May 22, 2008 10:16pm

      w00t

    • Blahhhh NE wanna talk?

      Mood May 22, 2008 11:26am

      ..
    • blahh blahh blahhh

      Mood May 15, 2008 10:45pm

      I HATE WHOEVER'S READING THIS!!! lol j/k j/k j/k grrr i hate when i get urges to cut=/

    • Journal Entry for May 6, 2008

      Mood May 6, 2008 5:58pm

    Read Journal

  • Hugbook

    Give Bcalm a hug

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  • Goals

    Progress

    25 %

    Goal End Date is Sep 19, 08 11 more days.
    View all in progress Goals
  • Support Groups

    • Close Bipolar Disorder

      In 3rd grade i felt like a zombie,just going threw the motions...I told my school counsellor i wanted to kill myself. Me and my mother met with the counsellor to talk about what i said...I never went back because the hate my father expressed for my statements.Years later,when I was 15,my father froze to death after a 22yr climbing career.Confusion,cutting,lots of hospitals.I Don't cut anymore..I've always seen his death as a blessing.Now im just trying to manage my symptoms.

      Treatments

      Abilify Not Working
      Bad
      Ativan Not Working
      No effect
      Celexa Not Working
      No effect
      Depakote Not Working
      Bad
      Geodon Not Working
      No effect
      Group Therapy Somewhat Helpful
      I like talking.
      Lamictal Not Working
      Bad
      Lithium Not Working
      Never again!
      Prozac Working / Worked
      Been on 6 times,I noticed a difference in mood just once.
      Seroquel Not Working
      Very Cloudy,and when it didn't work i was forced to take it in higher and higher doeses in a Hospital up in NH. I was a zombie for 3 of the 5 1/2 months there, and the humility.... getting yelled at for having trouble staying awake in groups..O_O how fked up is that?
      Topamax Not Working
      Bad
      Trileptal Not Working
      Biting my wrists and being sedated 3 times in a row in a hospital badddd!
      Wellbutrin Not Working
      Bad
      Zyprexa Not Working
      Terrible! 180 to 260 in 2 1/2 Months and no diff in symptoms!
      Poetry Working / Worked
    • Close Depression
      Type: Clinical (Major) Depression

      Theres a great amount of alcholism,mental illness,drug abuse on both sides of my fam...But as far as my father goes... he came from a long line of assholes... Terrible fathers,terrible sons...he was abused both verbally and sexually. He was verbally abusive to my mother,brothers,and me. There was only a little bit of physical abuse... nothing "too serious" rofl

      Treatments

      Celexa Working / Worked
      Cymbalta Not Working
      omg never again!
      Geodon Working / Worked
      Meditation Not Working
      can't relax because of sever back pain
      Poetry Working / Worked
      Positive Thinking Not Working
      alotta the time i feel like i don't deserve to be happy
      Prozac Not Working
      been on it 6 times last time for 2 months and then out of no where i was rly happy for 1 week but then the affect went away and i got off it ... ended up in the hosp again
      Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
      blahhh
      Ritalin Not Working
      bad,made me speed up and i was angry so i began beating myself up,literally...
      Seroquel Not Working
      badd
      Wellbutrin Not Working
      bad
      Writing Working / Worked
      used to be veryyy big on poetry but i lost my talent it seems due to unorganized thinking
    • Open Chronic Pain

      i'm dumb first of all.. but weren't we all drunk off excitement when we were younger? bike accident.. blahhh landed on my back on a concrete divider rolled into the road missed 3 cars rolled back missed 2 and couldn't get up.....so went to hosp.. had x rays taken nothin showd up so went home with crutches.. i've had a million and 1 diff tests with diff docs and still nothin.. has come up... i was perscribed tylenol with codiene but it did absolutely nothin so i canceled the perscription

      Treatments

      Chiropractic Adjustment Not Working
      Cymbalta Not Working
      Heat Not Working
      Meditation Not Working
      Topamax Not Working
      Poetry Working / Worked
    • Open Self-Injury

      I'm dumb,the end. I stopped after 3 1/2 yrs. Once and awhile i feel like doing it.

      Treatments

      Group Therapy Working / Worked
      Outpatient Treatment Program Working / Worked
      Poetry Working / Worked
      Psychotherapy Working / Worked
      Talking Working / Worked
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