"I know, I know where I am...I …
"I know, I know where I am...I am right here, right here..." - Tori Amos Today:I am so …
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"I lay here I'm weepin, for the stars they have come, I lay here alone sleepin now that the long night has begun, The man in the moon cant help but cry, There's no one to sing me lullibies" - Kate Rusby
I had my paper done by Sunday but I have yet to turn it in. I did take my test, however, and got a 92%. My Professor still hasn’t graded some things so I am not sure what my grade is but judging by how I am doing I think I will be up from where I am sitting at.
I am really missing my Grammie today. I think it’s because I am just feeling so sad lately. Tuesday I was in a horrible fog, Wednesday I was recovering and couldn’t sleep which caused me to stay up crying for no damn reason and today I woke up ok but now I am just slowly going downhill.
My books I ordered arrived today which I was very excited about them…now because of my mood I am just don’t care. I hate feeling like this. I feel hurt, angry, and wishing I could just disappear. When I get that way I would call Grammie and just hearing her voice made everything all better. I don’t have her now. So I just pray but then the praying makes me miss her more so I just cry.
I was thinking last night…When my aunt called me last weekend she said she had collected a bunch of stuff for me that was Grammies and put it in Grammies hope chest for me. I was wondering what was in that chest. Would it be bitter sweet to open and go through all those things? Would I weep uncontrollably and have full closure? Will it cause me to regret not being there? I longed to open the box and just find a letter at the bottom filled with her love and wisdom. Nothing else...just a letter...with her words.
I hate them so much for what they did to her. How they hurt her and broke her heart. For stealing from her and ignoring her wishes. For treating her so poorly after all the love and support she gave them. Its over now though and I know she wouldnt want me to carry around this hate...so I have to let go and just shake my head. "The world is so ugly," she used to say and she was right. Then she would say, " but at least we have each other and that is all that matters."
My queen of swords she was.
I just miss her….
~Bright Blessings~
Rea
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She was clearly a lady worth missing. I'm so sorry for your pain.
Reneefriend
Oh gosh I'm so sorry you are missing your Grammie so much, it's so hard. I miss my nana like crazy and was so close to her.. this August will be one year since I lost her and I cannot even believe it. Your Grammie sounds like she was a wise amazing woman.. Hugs for you
marsmama
What a beautiful quote from your Grammie, it sounds like she had a wonderful positive outlook.
childofgrace
Your Grammie was fortunate to have had you.
Stephano
I'm so sorry you're going through such an awful time. I'm here if you want to "talk." There is a wonderful lessson in what your Grammie would say - -"The world is so ugly," she used to say and she was right. Then she would say, " but at least we have each other and that is all that matters." When I feel anger and pain, I try to counter those thoughts/feelings with a positive memory. It soothes me and I think that was your Grammies advice to you hon. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of you and I'm here. Love and a big, gentle hug, Odyssey
Odyssey