OpheliaRising's Journal

"Everything you are against weakens you. Everything you are for empowers you."
– Dr. Wayne Dyer

I am slowly adjusting to what I have dubbed “silent Saturdays”. I always take a moment to visit with Grammie before I start my day though its nothing like it was when she was alive but it sustains me none the less.
I decided to take my “silent Saturdays” and turn them into something productive in honor of Grammie. I am on the progressive exposure part of the workbook. That means I purposely have to put myself in panic attack situations and use the tools I learned to keep myself calm. Oh, yippie the discomfort! However, I learned in order to heal it’s to hurt. 

I woke up Saturday in the grumpiest of moods as I hardly got any real good sleep. Normally I would just stay away from people and mind my own but I vowed to take a step in healing today. So, I did everything I usually avoid when I am like that. I put on my makeup, did my hair, put on a cute outfit and went out. (During my big dress up moment I realized my engagement ring is MISSING! That is another story unto itself. Honestly, its somewhere in the house so why freak about it? It will turn up when the fairies wanna give it back- when I am not looking for it!)

We had to run a few errands to the normal stores however I asked husband if he wishes to go to the bookstore- which is panic attack central to me because it’s usually busy and husband likes staying there for quite some time.

When we arrived we found they moved the bookstore into the mall- which to me malls are hell. Husband asked me if I could handle it and I said “lets just do this!” So, we went. The new store was not directly in the mall but it was a store that had a direct outside entrance. It was a million times more busy than normal, of course.

What’s weird was I overheard two girls who were obviously good friends talking about school, purchasing a gift for Miss So-and-So and general interaction. That made me long for the friendships and connections I had back in Ohio- no matter how poisonous they were. Just interacting with a female friend on a daily basis would be nice, but for me I have been too hurt and stabbed in the back so many times I am reluctant to make friends with anyone- only acquaintances. Oddly I realized all that in a split second and I set down the stationary I was looking at. That rush of panic came because I had worked myself up. The oddest thing happened- over the radio in the store came a song called “umbrella” I believe the original artist is Rihanna. (shows how much I gave a hoot about the song)

I never much liked the song until a friend of mine, Meg, dedicated it to me on my facebook. She agreed she didn’t like the music but she liked what it had to say. Basically what the song boils down to is no matter what she would be there and she will share with me what I am going through as I will with her. (Here is a great acoustic version of this song done by an amateur performer if you wish to hear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=589Mvlz6LWE)

Anywho, So I heard this song and I was snapped out of my panic. I picked up a small journal that had pretty butterflies on it. I needed a small journal to track my progress in the healing department. More determined then ever I made my purchase and offered to my husband to drive him home. He was shocked.

For the rest of the day I was fine.

I think I am going to be ok….

I hope everyone is well!

~Bright Blessings~
Rea

Coming up! New Group Topics for Holistic Healing: Already Featured…”Sometimes “All Natural”…Isn’t”