OpheliaRising's Journal

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
– Samuel Beckett

Morning:
Today I wish I could just go sit on the couch next to my Grammie and rest my head in her lap. I would do anything to have her take my hand in both of her soft hands and with a gentle pat let me know everything will be ok.

I keep having these dreams about Grammie except I never ever see her nor do I hear her. Like one dream I called her for our Saturday phone call, the phone picked up but no one said hello. I said, “Grammie? I know you are there…listen you don’t have to talk…because I know you are here…I love you so much…” And then I started to ramble on about how my week had been and saying silly things she loved to pure silence on the other end. Deep down I felt she was there, listening intently and sending out the warmest loving vibes. I woke up feeling loved but so damn empty.

I miss her. Sometimes I feel like I miss her so much and other times not enough. Now that mothers day is coming up I feel so lost. She was my mother in every regard. She loved me, held me, fixed my booboos, fought for me, and most of all she was there.

I don’t understand how some days I am happy with the fact she passed on. That she is on her next journey. While other days when I reach for her its silence and I cry. I noticed it happens more often when I am down. I hate that. It seems to make everything worse…I feel horrible, I go to pick up the phone to hear her voice and no one answers. So I sit in silence, with a cup of soothing tea, visiting her in memories and praying she is happy where she is at.

Late Evening:
I am still awfully down. I am embracing it so I can better understand it. I find if I fight it- it will only get worse. So, its best as I always said to just not fight the tide and just float. Whenever it takes me is where I will be.

I spent most of my day staring off into space. I don’t know exactly what I was thinking about but I would fall into my thoughts only to come to hours later with a day wasted and me getting nowhere. So, I made a list of things I need to get done this week. My Class starts May 19th and I am very excited about it. I am hoping this spell lets up before then so I can enter into my class with a positive attitude.

I'm feeling like I have this energy swirling about me that it is manifesting itself in a creative way. However, I don’t know what outlet to let it flow through. Time will tell when it comes over me what I will bring forth. Whatever it is I am sure will be beautiful.

Enough of my rambling…

I hope all is well!

~Bright Blessings~
Rea

Coming up! New Group Topics for Holistic Healing: “Dry Skin Brushing”, “Get Moving to Help Your Anxiety”, and “Take a Real Breath”. Also I will be featuring the health benefits of an herb. So stay tuned! :)