sweetshaygirl's Journal

Still no word about this potential cancer....and I'm worried because of how bad my bones hurt.  Could this be bone cancer, because that is always a secondary cancer, could it have appeared as a result of the skin cancer?  I don't think my body is strong enough to fight a long battle with cancer.  I had a hard enough time with losing my stomach, and the four months I spent in the hospital then.  I don't know that I'm physically strong enough for another long bout with my body. 

Why did this have to happen?  Why did Tim have to leave me?  He sent me another email today.  It was just friendly, just telling me what's going on in his life right now, but it still hurts to hear from him.  I should just cut off ties with him, but it would hurt more not to have anything to do with him.  I would miss him too much.  The love I still feel for him is like a live coal, burning my heart as I hide it within.  He was so wonderful.  It was like I finally found the person who fit into my life like he should.  I loved him so much.  When he cheated on me, I couldn't even say his name out loud for over a year.  It just hurt too much.

Well now I've gotten myself sufficiently depressed, so I'm going to log off and go watch Law & Order.  That's about it for now...

Shannon