sweetshaygirl's Journal

So much is going on!!  I have this sore on top of my head, and I don't know if it's cancer or just a lupus lesion.  Either way, I can't have my hair colored until it heals, and I might wind up with a wig.  I've always been so proud of how I look, so careful to have my hair and makeup done before I went anywhere, and now I have like an inch of dark roots!!  It's embarrassing!!  I'm also having trouble breathing, and am on steroids because of that.  I'm also suffering from Alopacia, which just means my hair is falling out like crazy.  It's embarrassing; I've have golf-ball sized bald spots on my head.  What I would give to feel good and healthy, to have a normal life, to have married Tim and have had his children!!  I also think about little Jacob Alan a lot, too--sweet little Jacob Alan.  He'd be 14 now (probably be on drugs and driving me crazy ) but still, what I wouldn't have given to have held him in my arms just once!!  One of the worst parts is that hardly anyone knows.  I have so few friends, and most of them don't know about Jacob.  Barbara, my best friend locally, knew about him, and now she's moving to Kansas.  It just seems like it never stops.  Well I'll go now.

Shannon