Poor Ella
I had the scare of my life on Monday. I had a missed call from Ella’s mum at 5.50am, I picked up the …
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well.. just got my period.. and I feel so sad.. I guess its another sign that things are done.. that Ella is really gone.. and that I wont be having another baby.. and it hurts like hell.. Im home on my lunch break and I dont' even want to go back.. I just want to sit here and be sad.. I know this is part of the healing process.. but Im so tired-from everythign including now my period.. I know things will get easier .. but Im having a hard day and cant wait to sit with my children and my husband tonight and just be - God I miss you Ella..
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well I gave my mom a picture of Ella- she had been asking and I'm glad she wanted one. My aunt was there and I asked her if she wanted to see the pictures.. because I can understand that some people might not want to see them. and she did.. I felt weird and proud at the same time. I mean its sad and heartbreaking that I'm showing her picture and she isn't here but- I was and am proud of her-she is my daughter and I want the world to acknowledge it.. so I was glad to share. This is also the first night I've been home alone without Chris here.. Im doing ok - I helped Maya with homework and just finished giving Jack a bath. CHris is on his way home but Im not freaking out being alone..and that is a huge accomplishment for me.. so tonight is a good night..
GemmCass
i am so glad that you made it through the night without Chris...that is huge for you! i am proud of you...i am also glad that your aunt wanted to see the pictures of your sweet angel...you should be proud of her and i know that you are...show her off and acknowledge her whenever you can! she is your sweet little angel...i hope we can catch up later
mom2lexxi