Dumb HusbandIt's two o'clock …
Dumb HusbandIt's two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife are asleep, when suddenly the phone rings. …
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Feeling....I don't know really. It's rather 'existing' really. Nothing planned really. I know what I'm doing my Mum and Brother for dinner tonight, planned that this morning. For my Mum it's a baked potato with spicy bean burgers and for my brother it's a baked potato with a sausage and beans. Then they have a treacle pudding and custard for dessert. I hope I'll be at a stage where I can join our family meals again at some point :( I feel like a bit of a spare part...my doing. I like to make sure they arn't missing out on nice food which is why I prepare and cook it. It's just I feel so isolated. It's like I'm living a seperate life from my family at the moment.
Going inpatient hasn't sunk in. I talk about it so matter of fact, like it's happening to someone else. I'm not so sure this is a good thing. Once I'm told a bed is available I don't really want it to suddenly smack me in the face and cause a complete freak out. I was hoping I might feel...I don't know...something, which is why I don't think it's really sunk in. The only thing happening (which has just happened whilst typing this) is that everytime the bloody house phone rings I suddenly get a rush of anxiety! People don't usually call the house phone very often, it's just my Nan but it seems whenever we are expecting any phone calls it rings more often!
Going inpatient hasn't sunk in. I talk about it so matter of fact, like it's happening to someone else. I'm not so sure this is a good thing. Once I'm told a bed is available I don't really want it to suddenly smack me in the face and cause a complete freak out. I was hoping I might feel...I don't know...something, which is why I don't think it's really sunk in. The only thing happening (which has just happened whilst typing this) is that everytime the bloody house phone rings I suddenly get a rush of anxiety! People don't usually call the house phone very often, it's just my Nan but it seems whenever we are expecting any phone calls it rings more often!
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I think numb and existing are a product of ana. I feel like that at times too. It's funny I like to feed other people as well - I'm sure theres something in that. x
KayBeth