DeDe1956's Journal

took too much meds to sleep, I was asleep for 2 or 3 days before he sought help....wound up in the hospital for 8 days..

you all know where you go from there...Al was good to me there, but things returned to normal from the moment we got home (no audience)...(some how he felt that I should of be cured in 8 days after 20 years of emotion neglect to put it mildly) cried to me in the hospital on one visit that he came clean with one of his lady friends(from DS) about his real relationship with me and she now doesn't want to talk to him as much...even told me yesterday when she called while I was with him that it was her and he couldn't take her call...then had a hugh fight with me so he could leave me crying again hysterical and do what ever he does when he leaves....in less than 24 hours of being home...so nothings changed here...he makes fun all the time of my ex who drank 2 x's a month about the (alcoholic) but that man loved me...Al doesn't drink but treats me worse than any person I know...I'm broken, and he's just keeps on pushing me over the edge ( I truly think thats his plan)...he talks to so many people and helps them with so much but never could ever even finish a conversation with me in 20 years...he make promises daily that in hours he breaks, I'm losing my mind...hes going to be 55 the next time around so I guess theres no hope of him maturing...I needed him to help me thru Mandy's death...not once in 14 months has he been there for me, never had time...to busy on the phone with all his lady friends...his new one is just 42...he told me see was our age, well her myspace says she's 42..he takes her to the movies so he didn't have to talk to her...suggested that when I'm ready to date I should do the same...he told me she is fairly attractive, athletic and petite...just the way he likes them but her myspace says shes 5'6'' thats only 1 inch shorter than him...why does he tell me these things...Plus her name is Deborah, and he has called me Deborah several times...I have always been called Debbie or Deb by him..She insists on being called Deborah...I told him about her myspace and the next day it was set to private user...he still says he didn't tell her...all he does is lie....I'm so sick..the rules here have been from day one after Mandy died that we would not date or see anyone while we were still married or till the house sold...well the house is still here and were still married...and for all that think that well he's a man and he needs a woman for physical things I have been there for that too...so I'm not well, and he doesn't care what he's doing to me as long as no one on the outside knows....I can sleep again so I needed to journal some of what was keeping me up...sorry to all, I wish I could see a light at the end of this long dark tunnel...I hope I make this....he is a cruel, mean man that does not drink or uses any drugs, scarey...I was going to write this woman and tell her what really goes on here but I know that he will kill me and I cant take any more drama or rejection at this point, I'm critical...

I recieved this this morning from my baby cousin...it made me feel real good inside...so I wanted to share it with all that I care about here...enjoy...Lubs....oxoxo...