premiermois's Journal

updated. alright, so I managed 1530 calories today. I feel like that's pushing it.

Yeah I wanna eat stuff, but I don't want calories, I don't want the guilt, I don't want the belly bloating, I don't want to be afraid of not exercising one day. I don't want any more fat. If I can have a normal amount of food without all that, then that would be super.

ok so today has been all right.

In the morning I ate fine, with the exception of cutting out a tiny snack. This morning after my typically huge breakfast I felt uncomfortably full, but not as anxious because today I knew I'd be walking home from school. That takes 30 minutes. So I felt fine.

Now I'm on post-run snack and I'm already full and barely have enough calories in the snack to cover what I burned. I don't want to eat it. I'm too full. And I don't want to eat dinner either.

I think today I have around [if I finish my post0run snack] 1450ish calories. That's what I've been having for a few days.

Yesterday was interesting... I purposely was functioning on 900 calories for most of the day [and dang PROUD of it] until dinner, when I HAD to go home... and think about what I was getting myself in to... and how I should feed my body... yada yada... and I ended up with 1500 calories at the end of the day. Felt bad about it, and felt good about it. Idk.

I'm too scared to eat more than 1500 [even that is pushing it. I like my new comfort zone of 1400 or less if my conscience can take it lol]. bah.