Today I am feeling terrible. I …
Today I am feeling terrible. I just keep constantly and continually screwing things up. When am I ever going to get …
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I'm going to be positive in my writing today. After having a horrible weekend that carried in to monday, yesterday and today aren't all that bad. So many kind words and advice that were much needed. Thanks my friends! I'm still hurting as I will for a very long time I know but I'm trying to tell myself that it really is inside me as to the approach I take to deal with my grief. I can let it consume me as I do frequently and keep my friends "heartache" and "sorrow" around longer or I can challenge all I've got and remember I can't change the past only start the process of living with the hand I've been dealt. My mom called me last night and said she had thought alot of AJ yesterday. She walks her dogs often and last night as she walked them she was looking at the moon. AJ died at the end of the month when the moon was full. She reminded me that the moon was almost full and she always looks for the brightest star in the sky and thinks of him. Of course I started to cry and being a mother myself you hate to see your kids sad. No different for my mother. Her heart aches for me. Moms are the best. She simply reminded me to just channel all my thoughts to the wonderful son AJ is, how much he loves us and we love him. How much everyone loves and misses him. Remember how fortunate we are to have had him on this earth for almost 19 years even though it wasn't long enough. I did all that and felt blessed. It is true. We have all been blessed with these kids. How life was before them and now after them. Definitely different and yes we want them back. I know I'll see my son again, just not as soon as I would like. I have to believe that. When I doubt that, I fall apart. I haven't met all of you face to face, but I have met you. I love all of you and I love your children. I am stronger yesterday and today because of you. I have all of you in my prayers that some peace will enter each heart if only for a while so that you will know that we will get through this journey together. Love to you. Robin
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i often wonder if my mother had not died 5 weeks before my grandson , what the conversations would be like right now , we used to talk about everything , but the last 2 yrs she got real distant with me , i never even told her arron got married or that he was in iraq , it was like she dis owned most of us , then she passed , i had a day of crying on and off , like you said we had them for 19 yrs , aaron loves us so much as we do him , aj will forever be loved and always be with u as i know aaron is with me , much love and prayers to u always ++Pat
4grandkids
You are a strong women with a gentle Mothers heart. We all can only do what we can. Grief is stronger than some and weaker than others, we each walk our own road. May God grant you some peace in this journey. Love and hugs Cathy
RockstarsMom
I too look to the stars and see Chris there-I find great comfort in them-your Mom sounds just wonderful-can she adopt me!!!! Love, Sandy
sandart
Robin,
I am so proud of you as you should be proud of yourself. I too feel blessed for having had my son for those special 28 years. We will see our children again...I know we will. Hugs, Inga
ihart
My Mom is like that too. She tells me once a Mom always a Mom. They have to grieve too. Yet they try to be strong for us. It's probably very hard for them. Here's to all us Mom's!!!! Take Care, Love ya, HUGS
TracyW
Robin...as I read this I felt a calmness come over me. It was beautiful and I can feel that today you are in a good place. Enjoy this place...and I think it is wonderful that you have your mother to be there with you during such a difficult time even when she is hurting not only for herself, but for you, her precious daughter. And I...like you...want to remember my precious son and feel grateful for the 22 years that we shared on earth. I think you are a strong and wonderful woman. Love and hugs...Karen
biowoman
Thank god for our moms, and theres added pain because we know how much there hurting for us. I'm going to try to get to the place you are at, I have before and it helped for a couple days but then I start missing him so much again and then... well you all know what I'm talking about. Much love to you. Lynette
lynette22
You are a strong woman, and all that you said makes so much sense. I do try to be grateful the 11 years I was blessed with Heather in my life. I have often thought about how my life would of been had she never entered it, and I am so glad that she did even though she had to go much sooner than I wanted. My nephew thinks that Heather is the North star, and that she is there to watch over us all every night. And every night he goes to see that she is out. This journal was so calming and peaceful and just what I needed. Thank you for sharing this. Love you too!
candice
candiceS
You are so right grief is a journey...we have to make the journey meaningful for ourselves, our loved one and our families...I stumble and fall as does most here...but we are here to help eah other on this journey.
To my walkin buddy...keep on the lighted path...it holds the return of joy
Ann
AnnM
Now you are inspiring me, and I'm so encouraged by your words. We will get through this together, and help each other. You are right. Positive thoughts create positive feelings and we have to be thankful for the time we had with them. Think about how different our lives, and our other children's lives, would have been without them. They touched us all and we have to remember them for that in a good way. It's meant to be, and we have to accept it. God Bless us all. Hugs to you, my friend.
NancyFFIC