mummoftwo's Journal

I am struggling with so much, had to go to Massachusetts as my dad's health was failing but God gave me strength untold to help my mom, get my day home from hospice house where he passed on the 19th of Oct.  While I was driving up by myself, I got the word from the Lord that my husbands sore leg was a blood clot, got him to go to the doctor finally, he has no health insurance, and lo and behold he did indeed have several clots in his leg, 2 days in the hospital with me up North and home to give himself shots and visiting nurses to check his blood.  I am now back in NC  but have not had the time for the grieving process and not sure hubby understands why I can not focus and give him the time and care I need to.  I am exhausted mentally and physically, hurting all over, in a state of I don't know what, sad, guilty. I am also having trouble swallowing, and awaiting the doc to set up apt for barium swallow test, have had problem for 3 months but had to put all that on hold, so add worry to that as well.  so many things have been going on in our lives we are struggling to find ourselves and where each other fits in.  I just don't know how to handle all this, prayer, yes definately but the swimming thru jello is getting me down.  just breathe, just breathe and tomorrow will come and it should easy the pain in my heart. I hope.