BillW's Journal

I took shot 32 yesterday. It hasn't been too bad this week or last week. The symptoms are more normal now. Feel a little shitty the day after my shot, don't sleep well for 2-3 days after my shot, then a couple symptom free days. Even the symptoms really aren't too bad when you compare it to opiate withdrawls. I got real pissed off this weekend because I had an expectation about sex. Since I didn't get what I wanted when I wanted, I got a little mad and got quiet. This quiet treatment lasted for 2 days until my wife and I got it all out. Of course, with 2 days of buildup there was a little tension. I felt like using but really didn't want to. Alcohol, coke, and heroin just didn't sound very good. I just wanted to change the way I felt, but I knew I wouldn't like the way I felt on drugs either. So luckily, I didn't use. The makeup was really really good though. This week I'm trying to have no expectations and no attachments. There's nothing wrong with loving your S.O., but when it gets to the point where you need them and your happiness is completely derived from them, then that's moving into sickness. But that's the nature of relationships. You want to get closer and closer, then you have to take a step bak back and recognize your individuality again. This process of coming together and moving apart seems to happen in all relationships. Sometimes this tx can be tough. Not physically, just mentally. I respect these drugs and anybody who's decided to face tx. I can't recommend it to anyone, but I also wouldn't talk anybody out of it either.