dreambeliever's Journal

Been away for a while, havnt been able to access internet for a while and been concentrating on how i can stay well.  Ive finally got a job, so am feeling happy, excited, scared, will i cope is it to much for me etc., etc., I so want to make it work and be a "normal" person again. Im hoping it will improve my self confidence and help to keep me away from the dreaded drink. I am feeling very fearful and nervous but did a trial yesterday, for an hour, and then they called me to say i had the job!!! So much to sort out, childcare, paperwork, clothes etc., etc.,Just going to pray for the strength and try and take it a day at a time. Hope all my friends are doing well and that i get to catch up with you soon,  have missed you all and thought of you all a lot ......

My ex follwed me in town last week and asked me to take him out and then started calling me, so i gave in (yeah i no stupid) and tookhim out for the day and then again 2 days later onhis birthday. It was very confusing, i still love him very much and it was lovely to spend time with him but then i was also uncomforatable as well. Then i have all the anger and resentment around him and his treatment of me. I went with him to court this week to support him and did his washing for him on thursday cause his machine is broken, then friday i had a job trial and i didnt even get a good luck message or call!!! If nothing changes nothing changes, i guess. Prob be best for me to just concentrate on the new job and laurie as its all gonna be quite hectic and a big change to our routines.

Its odd the way this happens, he turned up last time i got a new job and everything went wrong, whenever things are going well in my life he seems to appear and pull me back towards him, or maybe thats my imagination, i dont know. I just know i want laurie to be happy, and i want to make a success of this new job and not drink and on and on and on god i dont want much do i!!!