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Sixty-one journal entries later and it's time for me to move on...
I came to DS during a time of great need... perhaps a little idealistic, but eager to learn all that I could from those who'd walked in my shoes. I was shocked to see just how many had been affected by the devastation of infidelity, on whatever level -- whether emotional, physical or, worse yet, both! I met young and old... angry and forgiving. I met those who were totally emotionally paralyzed and those who somehow managed to tap into an amazing source of inner strength. I believe that each of us has been able to claim at least one - if not more - of the above at some given moment along the way.
But... I've come to a place where I am now ready to move forward. There are many things still working against me, but I feel rich with experience and wisdom... and confident in my desire, and ability, to carve out a happy place in my future. I'm still unclear what that might look like in terms of my marriage, but I do know that it can only exist if I am well, both mentally and physically. So... ensuring that is now the business of the day! I am returning my husband's selfishness and poor choices to him... they are no longer mine to ponder!
I've so appreciated each of you in many, many ways. Some of you have been here with me from the beginning of this process... some of you I've just met. But your support and kindness will forever be a part of my ultimate success in healing from this horribly painful phase in my life.
I wish each of you the peace you seek. As my grandfather used to say, "No experience is wasted." May you each take from your unique experiences only good, and keep the rest in it's propper place... the past.
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I've been reluctant to write. I guess it's all sort a mangled mess in my head. I have so much to say but, when I sit to write, I never know where to start. My mother would tell me to put one foot in front of the other....so I will start with one word and see what follows.
I'm thankful that I've found this forum. I joined about two weeks ago and have read many posts and journals. There's a lot of wisdom to be gained here - I've really apreciated the advice that's been given in response to many of the posts. I guess I've been trying to see how to fit this into my healing. Sometimes when I visit, I get set back by what I'm reading....mainly because I identify so strongly with all the pain here. But I sense that there are also success stories in the making and I want so badly to be a part of that.
Today is a really tough day for me. I think I've done so well over the last year in staying positive and strong. But, today I feel broken.
I will miss you C.....you are such a warm, loving, caring person.....I wish only the best for you in the future...whatever you ultimately decide to do..
Peace ,tranquility, love, and happiness are what I wish for you.
jrsygrl13