rmoodyturtle's Journal

Ok, so first of all I just got majorly pooped on.  I'm talking shooting out the butt several inches like a fountain pooped on.  Oh well, what can you do?  Honestly I'm just happy that he pooped finally...he hadn't pooped all day until then.  Anyway, aside from that....how was everyone's mother's day?  We went to church and then up to James' mom's house.  James went fishing with his step dad and step siblings and Jaxon and I hung out at the house with his mom.  I was a little upset cuz I really wanted to get the little kits that you make the hand prints for the babies out of and do it on mother's day and they didn't get back from fishing until it was too late to go get one.  So we're going to get one tonight.  I have a few issues though that are a little more intense after our visit yesterday.  Jaxon is 10 days old.  I have been a bit anal about people washing their hands before they touch him.  I don't think it's that big a deal.  I was never offended when someone would ask me to wash my hands before touching/holding thier baby.  Anyway, I am totally comfortable asking my friends and family to wash thier hands.  If they don't like it or put up a fuss I pretty much tell them to get over it.  But I don't have the same confidence in asking James' family and friends to wash their hands.  I think that they look at me more like I'm being overprotective and for that matter rediculous about Jaxon.  When we showed up yesterday James' mom wanted to hold him...no problem, but I asked her to wash her hands first and she goes "wash my hands?!" and looks at me like I'm being absurd.  She washed them, but the rest of the visit I felt like I was being looked at like I was asking too much.  Aside from that there was another situation that I had a hard time dealing with.  James' family there smokes.  They don't exactly smoke inside...they stand at the door with the door open and smoke.  Most of it goes outside, but some of it comes in.  I know that it's not like we live there...we will only be up there now and again, and I know that it's not going to kill him or anything.  But I just don't want him to be around it.  I know that when they come to our house that we can have our own boundries here, but it's their house so I can't really say anything to them while we are at their house.  I don't exactly know what to do about it.  I've gotten advice to just not take him to anyones' house that smokes and if they ask why we aren't going over there to just tell them because I respect their choice to smoke at their home, but I don't want Jaxon around it.  I don't know.  I guess I'm just worried that everyone is going to look at my like I've obsessive.  James' mom asked me if I was going to let Jaxon play in the dirt when he was older...I kinda felt like that was a dig at me for wanting her to wash her hands.  The thing is that I don't want people to think about me as a stuck up mom, but Jaxon is even more important to me than what they think.  It's just really frustrating.  I wish that people were naturally understanding and respectful, but unfortunatly they aren't.  I am really pissed off that we've become this society that is so concerned about the rights of smokers that we've forgotten the rights of non smokers.  Why is it that while I'm sitting in my own car I should have to smell cigarettes because the car next to me is smoking and it's coming through the vents?  Or why do I have to run in and out of establishments cuz everyone wants to stand right by the door.  It is IMPOSSIBLE to keep yourself and your children away from smoke because we've gotten so tollerant of smokers and the smokers could care less about the non smokers.  Anyway, I'm sorry if I'm being a bit more honest about the subject than some people care to hear, but I strongly feel it is COMPLETE bullshit that me and my son are forced to breath in cigarette smoke unless we lock ourselfs up in out own home for the rest of our life.  And last but not James still has not gotten paid from the job that he was working, the one that required him to go out of state when our baby was due.  Our rent is over a week overdue so our manager is pursuing eviction.  Our electric is still not paid.  James court fees are still not paid.  James needs $200 tomorrow for DUII classes and if we don't have it he can't go to the classes and if he doesn't go to the classes he could get a warrent out for his arrest.  Plus we're gonna run out of diapers soon, and dish soap and so many other things.  It's the most frustrating thing. James works so hard to provide for us and somehow we get screwed over and over again.  I am very ready for things to fall into place.

But all that said...I love my life.  Jaxon brings more joy and love to my life than I could have ever imagined.  I finally feel like I've done something with my life worth while.  I feel complete.  I love my family and we are the picture of for better or worse.  Even in worse, we still have each other.  Anyway, enough rambling for now.  Hope you all are doing well.

Angela