KDraider16's Journal

Right so the day started out shitty and it's still shitty. I'm waiting for my mom to get home so I can be bitched at again for meing to fucking ungrateful and selfish and making my brother feel like shit. Maybe if she'd stop treating me like shit and maybe with a little respect she'd find that I'm not selfish. I mean I'm not am I. I'm only selfish with this family because I've learned my lesson, I used to give and give and never get any thank you or anything. I finally learn and smartened up. I'm not giving when I know I get no respect or thank you from those who should give it. I'm sick of being taken for granted. the only reason my mom wanted me to buy those tickets and not her was cause she knew I wouldn't have enough to pay to go to CO next month, he vain attempt to keep emily and I apart. you know it pisses me off that my mother and father have both past judgement on Emily and they haven't even met her or even know her. It hurts me and it hurts Emily, and that hurt turns into anger. How can they judge what they don't know. I wasn't gonna pay for those tickets, one cause I don't have my debit card to do that, and two cause I know my mom wouldn't pay me back when I need it. I'll just take the bitchin and screamin' then I'll go to my room and do god knows what...

I broke today, i'm not going to go into detail, just know that i broke. I tried to stay strong so when Emily got home she could catch me but it didn't work out. I fell and I'm staying right here until Em comes home or until I get to school then Cody can temporarily catch me then pass me on to Emily when she gets home. This is the first year in my entire HS career that I actually want to be in school. First time that I look forward to going to school. I wish I was in school right now. I hate it here. I have to get out of this house, this town. It's this place that makes me feel NOTHING! I felt alive, I felt so much when I was in Colorado with Emily. I felt so much. This place numbs me and makes me do stupid things. It's this place that makes me the monster that I am. I need, NEED, to get out of here! 

I have to get out of here, for my sake, Emily's, and our relationship.