KDraider16's Journal

So today has been great, not good, not the best just great which is alot considering the past few days. Today I woke up early and not depressed. I think that's my sign that I need to stop sleeping in so long it makes me depressed or something. anyway I got up the day went well and the best part is as i was filling the ink wall after I'd just cashed this cute girl out who had been hitting on me and almost gave me her number. I stopped as I walked away and said to myself "she was cute but Emily is hotter". Which i'll admit i've been saying for months but it's been a while since i've thought it and felt it. I figure I alwasy said is cause it was kinda routine but to day I said it before i thought it, i said it as i felt it. And It's been a while since I've felt it. And then after I'd thought that I had for the rest of the day flashes of all the great and amazing times with Emily. Times that I thought I wouldn't think about again or for a while. And heres the big part...here's the one thing that hasn't happened for weeks....My stomach flipped and butterflies rerupted and I FELT LIKE I WAS IN LOVE! I FELT IN LOVE AGAIN! I wasn't quite on cloud nine but I was very close to it. I'm still on it! I don't know if it's just the after glow of the AMAZING love making Emily and I had last night for HOURS or what! All I know is I feel better than I have in days...weeks! And after my one break down I realized Emily and I will MAKE IT. And I'm good for her and she is good for me we're just in a very rough spot. I'm not going to stop fighting, at least not until I'm in Colorado with Emily and we've tried. i'm a fighter and i'm not giving up. emily and I have been through alot, her mom, and worse than this and we've over come it so we have faith that we will this time. and we know this cause that's what we're saying and we're manifesting it. WE WILL DO THIS. I am good for Emily when I try just as she's good for me. I love her. I felt that again to day and I haven't felt it for a while. and though Emily will be heading to Canada for two weeks this weekend and we won't get to talk as much, I'm not going to let it get to me. i'm gonna be strong and stand on my own and ride this happy wave for as long as I can. I like this feeling and I've missed it. I missed having this giddy look on my face, the dedication on my face.

And the other amazing thing is Emily's been having a bit of it too. She's starting to feel it. Yesterday she got that, the look on her face. That look that shows shes thinking about the good times and feeling good. I've missed that look. 

Anyway, the point is right now in this moment we're doing ok and moving up. Four more weeks and we should be amazing and that's my goal. Wish us luck all please and encouragement please.