queenvalerie's Journal

Jimmy and I are back on track, although i have joined a local Womens Support Group.  I really do need to deal with this lingering fear.  It just isn't serving any purpose any more except to get in my way.  I'm am soooo sick and tired of being sick and tired.  It is exhausting to constantly be wondering when the other shoe is going to drop.  Being constantly vigilant of every word said, of every emotion displayed.  I'm tired of looking at the world through squinted eyes and wondering just when someone is going to hurt me.

Mostly what i'm sick of is knowing that, even 7 years down the road, my ex is still having an influence on my life.  It is him that put ths fear in me, it is him that reinforced it emotionally, verbally, mentally, financially, physically.  It was the abuse he heaped on me 24/7 that is still affecting me.  I'm finally tired of the control i am allowing him to continue to exercise over my life by still being afraid.