PudsyP's Journal

 Maia looked so much bigger and older when she walked in my kitchen yesterday. She had on new clothes and was so cute in them. Not the normal playclothes she wore when I cared for her because this was a special day with her mommy. We had lunch together first tthen went to the family room/playroom to enjoy some special manicures and a chance to talk with Jenni too (her mom). Maia is not too pleased with her daycare yet but has had some new experiences which she demonstrated for me. She does tumbling and gets to do more coloring and use play dough too. I took a few pictures of her quickly and will add them to my unfinished collection on DS soon.

Next I'd like to see Jack again but I may have to call his mom to ask her to drop by too. I know they live busy lives as all young families do but without my little cherubs my days are not as much fun and I miss them a lot and wonder what they are doing now. Kind of like having a part of my body missing and I notice other children so much more when we are out again. Sunday after church was a special example. A little girl asked if I was sick when she saw my oxygen tank trailing next to me. I told her..."Just a little bit." then she tipped her head, and with a very concerned and 'Maia like" expression said.."I'm sorry" , stood there looking at me for a moment and then walked away with her grandma. This child is the same age as Maia and they played together twice when I took her with us to church. I turned to leave too and burst unexpectedly into tears which got worse as I tried to breath and walk to the car.

Ernie rushed to my side to check on me and I started to have another panic attack because when i cry my throat closes up and I'm not able to breathe through my nose. Gulping air from my mouth doesn't help and the panic starts.from that sensation and fear of suffocation I guess.

Anyway, once I was in the car and had about ten minutes to get over it I knew it was Maia that I was crying for and I missed her all over again. That's what prompted my call to ask for a visit. I wanted to see her again before we left for vacation on Saturday.

It was raining a lot so we couldn't go swimming as I'd hoped but I did enjoy letting her jump and splash a little bit in a puddle for a few minutes. Her mom was not so pleased but i think she forgave me just this once and it helped Maia become more willing to leave too. With an umbrella over her head and me chosing the smaller puddles she didn't get all wet like she may have otherwise. At least she left me with a smile and I needed that more than anyone  else would understand.

It's been a real busy week for me and I'm tired but glad I've kept up with all I needed to do, I will get to sleep in a little tomorrow but then need to finish packing food so it can be put in the van and ready to drive off Saturday morning for the mountains of TN. I love the mountains and need this change almost as much as everyone else seems to in our family right now. Rain or shine i think we'll enjoy the chance to be away from our daily stresses and enjoy each other again for the week.

God bless all who I have as friends on DS. I thank you all for your concerns, prayers and comments of late. I'm tryin to respond when I can too but i don't get to everyone every day anymore. Maybe when things get boring again I'll be able to again.

For now it's off to bed and good rest I hope.