KrusH's Journal

 I havent wrote a poem in a long time, but i had like a 3 minute depression and wrote this

Sometimes i want you by my side

sometimes i want to be alone

sometimes i just feel so strange

A side of me youve never known

Secrets that haunt me in my mind

Secrets no one will ever see

The dark confessions of my past

I am the fallen leaf of my family tree

Sitting at the table with a smile on my face

these are the easiest lies to tell

A scarlet drop as i clear my plate

Testament to my living hell

              We all dream, you might not remember it, you might remember it vividly

   it might be scary as hell...

                      a euphoric paradise

                                or somthing you laugh about and tell nobody.. haha

In dreasm why do we fail?

We face an adversary, whatever it is, and we rarley overcome it

why? why in our subconcious do we fail?

what is holding us back from reaching our goals?

its simple really.

look in the mirror. what do you see?

My hair looks tarrible today!

ah i need to lose wieght

my makeup looks terrible

i have tiny girl arms

we doubt. we subconciously destroy ourselves.

finally, i gave up

I looken in the mirror, the imperfections staring me down

and i didnt give in

i dont care, i am me. and i like who i am

and the dreams changed

out of the corner of my eye, from down the alley i saw him. He was running, his dead down, one arm on the sheath, the other on the handle. I did not have to think of what to do, instinct was my only defence. He pulled the sword from its sheath, holding it above his head with both hands. he broucht it down in an instant, barley missing ym left shoulder. i had jumped to my right and hit a pile of garbage cans hard. He jumed strait back, and onto a dumpster. He did not look human. his face hidden in shadow, his body distorted by thick robes. I could see his eyes. the moonlight in his eyes shined like the very fires of hell.

          He lunges at me again, the sword gracing my side and sinking deep into the garbage cans. i started to run down the alley as he struggled to free his weapon.I glanced back to see him still wrestling the blade free. his ferocity had given me time to esace. i looked forward, the exit to the alley was close, and i glanced back once more. he was nearly uppon me, me jumped past me, swinging the sword at me, this time it pussed just above my head. i droped tired to stop and turn. He leapt against the wall, and catapulted himself infront of me. i stood, imobilized with fear. 

          He stood strait up now. It became aparent he was much taller then me. he walked slowly towards me, in long silent steps. i feared the worst. i felt the end creeping toward me. But i could not accept this. I had faught and won against death before, i would not let this happen. I felt my stomach clench, and my insides seemed to grow hot. my muscles all tensed. I cant let this happen, i wont let this happen! the anger i felt was palpible. he raised his sword, i saw his face, it was hard and dark, but it was just another person. He and i were the same. He brought the sword down towards me, and i raised my left arm to block it. It came down hard on my arm, Slicing a wide gash from my wrist to my elbow, but it had stoped. i felt the anger, the andrenalin, the urge for self preservation swell up inside me. I pulled my right hand to a fist. i looked into his eyes. There was a desperate confusion in his eyes. He had not expected resistance. The prey became the predator. i  forced my fist hard into his stomach. as it hit he gasped for breath. He staggered backwards, hes hands on his stomach. his sword dropped to the ground. The fear was aparent. You could see the look in his eyes that he had so commonly put into the eyes of others. i picked up the sword in my right hand, and looked at my blood on the blade. the dark read blood, the shining silver blade. It was so dark yet so beautiful. i looked at his once more, gripped the handle firmly, and swung at his neck.....

            Self confidence saved me. Its as if once i was ok with myself, my subconcious believed in my too.

strange is it not?

 Time for a life update :D

                                    well, theres a bunch of new stuff going on

been feeling alot better

                                  things have changed, some of them have made me alot happier :D

well, my car died...

                               an hour from home :O haha

but my super powers!                                        and some re wiring made me get home :P

      my car is a total piece of junk

lol 23 years of abuse has taken its toll :O

but its fun, gives me somthing to do.

ive been driving around alot lol searchin for critters to take pictures of

but so far i found a moose

well, its leg :S

and about 30 billion deer

haha and whenever i see the bears i dont have my camera!

       im doing alot better with my exercise latley.

right now im doing 20 pushups and 60 situps a night

by the end of the month i hope to be able to do at least 35 or 40 pushups

yay

ive almost corrected my sleep cycle

im able to

sort of

sleep at night

but ive been having CRAZY dreams

really freakin me out

 i hear anymore shit about heath ledger im gonna yarf