SaraHatesDope's Journal

so here's the scoop. i am going to start the outpatient drug rehab thing very shortly. i have been talking to one of the counslers there. well, i saw her twice. this is the counsler that i didnt want to talk to cuz she was mean to me last time i attended this program but since i had nothing to lose and someone to talk to to gain, i decided to give her a chance. and she is actually being nice to me but she is telling me things i already know. like, to get myself busy so that i have less time to sit around and think about using. which i still am doing. on a daily basis my thoughts revolve around drugs. and how much i want them but i dont. its always been a battle in my head. anytime i have stayed clean for a long time i always have this battle and it drives me crazy. im sure a lot of people can relate to that.

but i am still feeling depressed as hell. everyday that goes by i continue to be depressed and i hate it. i know what to do to get out of my rut but i just dont have any incentive or motivation right now. i just wanna lounge around and rot in my body. its horrible. i just want to get high to relax and forget about life for a while. but no matter how much i forget shit, its still gonna be there and it wont help to get high. so there we have it. the obvious has been mentioned yet i am still wanting to use because i am a drug addict and thats just how it is.