POsOldlady's Journal

PO has stayed at the house a few nights and it feels so great to be in his arms again while he sleeps.  I laid on the couch last night watching a movie and he came up and laid his head on my slightly bigger baby belly and fell asleep.  I was preparing myself for him to get up and leave as soon as the movie was over but he didn't.  I turned off the TV and went to the bathroom and laid down in my bed thinking it's been nice to hold him close and he's gonna go whereever it is that he goes...nothing I can do about it.  I was almost asleep when I felt him crawl in the bed next to me and wrap his legs around my body and fell asleep as I laid there pretending to be sleeping not knowing what to expect next.  I know deep down inside of him he loves me and at times the addiction takes him to places he doesn't need to be but I am not going to allow my codependency self to tell him that he doesn't need to be there he has to find his way back home on his own.  He made a comment the other day at my daughter's birthday party that he hasn't gotten high in almost a month....

I on the other hand am trying hard to take care of ME.  I have been attending alanon online on a daily basis.