POsOldlady's Journal

Yesterday PO came by and we went to lunch together and had a nice talk about things.  I'm trying hard not to ask too many questions I really don't want the answers too.  I know he is prob. staying at some other chic's house cause he can't come home (boundary) if he's not clean.  He told me that he'd be home by July whatever that means...maybe he's trying to detox again who knows.  He is never high around me cause he knows I won't let him in the house if he's high or showing signs that he has gotten high recently.  Anyway we had lunch and talked then he left.  Last night about 9:30 he showed back up...said he just needed to see me.  Well I was laying in my bed watching the movie PS I love you so I told him to come sit on the bed and watch it with me.  It wasn't long into the movie he was laying on my lap fast asleep.  This was prop. a good thing cause I played in his hair and cried the whole movie.  When the movie was done I didn't want to wake him..I really didn't want him to go.  It felt so good to have him cuddled up to me again.  I used the remote and just turned off the TV and layed next to him.  It wasn't long after that he got up to go to the bathroom and instead of returning to bed he put on his jacket kissed me on the forehead, said he loved me and saw himself out the door.  I cried myself back to sleep not knowing if he did that out of respect for my rules (the clean boundary) or because he had to get back to whomever it is he's staying with not to lose his place to stay.  I know I should look at it as a positive thing but today I'm really sad.  It's father's day.  I am missing my dad whom in 05 addiction stole from me.  I am missing my man and baby daddy  whom is out there fighting the demon.  I know I shouldn't worry about things that aren't mine to control but boy do I want too.