POsOldlady's Journal

Today is Sunday.  It's been a whole month now since PO has left the house.  I have decided my only hope of moving on is to find a good church to call home.  A good friend of mine (Cedric) whom I used to work with has asked me to go to his church for the past 4 years so I'm going to day.  I'm nervous and scared as it's something new and I don't know anyone but him there but I'm pushing forward as I need to be in the presence of the Lord now.

I'm anxious over what to wear etc.  Both my older kids are staying home cause neither feel good today.  I guess it's just the baby and I that will be attending. 

I haven't heard from PO since Friday night when he was "on his way" to bring me the money to pay the bike payment.  Once again he never made it?  I wonder somedays if the addiction is that strong or he just doesn't care anymore to fight back.  I called him yesterday and left him a message telling him not to tell me he's going to do something ever again....do it then tell me about it cause his words mean nothing but disappointment and pain in my life now.  He tells me to tell the baby he's on his way and she sits on the deck till the sun goes down waiting on him to come and he never does.  Her real father is a good man just a distance away and can't come see her so she waits on PO who never does.  I can't take it anymore.  It's not fair to her.  LaMar (ex husband and baby real father) is going to Korea once again with the military so I've asked him to please put our city down as the military assignment he wants to return too.  This little girl needs him and if he was closer I know he'd be there for her as well as my other two children.  Enough for now....I'm going to get ready to go to church.