Goober629's Journal

so where did this strong woman go that was here this morning???  Shes gone and replaced by a hysterical, hurt, crying, pitty party me.  I was gonna go out to lunch with my sister and I was thinking about him today and I wanted to know who was driving him to the hosp and I had an idea, but i guess it hurts to confirm and its something insde me I feel I need to do.  SO I went lookng for the yellow beast (everything by me is in with in a mile of eachother.  I wish to god he coulda banged a girl who lived like 45 min away) He let her take our car to school.  There it was in the parking lot.  shes sapose to have a suspended drivers liscence!!!!  So i'm looking at it as tears form and i just wanna vomit.  And theres my sons car seat in the back  That really made me sick.  i called my cousin and drove away. 

why does it hurt??  why do i feel the need to "stalk"??  it hurts so much.  And why was he telling my sister the things he was yesterday???  It made it sound like he.........................he wants me to react so what, he can keep rejecting me??? 

THis is awful but i feeel like he's crying and going to people and talking about his cancer (something he never did before) and he's trying to get in there good graces.  Maybe they'll forget that he left his wife, told all the lies, abandoned his kids.................and took up with a whore. 

He says he's gonna take care of himself.  I don't think so.  shes prob gonna sleep over, take my car to school and then come back. 

me and my kids are just so replaceable.  i'm so tired and so sad.  i'm so alone.  i just want someone to hold me and love me.......................i was at home taking are of my kids and my family, i was doing what i was sapose to.  what the fuck was he doing???   i'm having a hard time seeing any kind of light at the end of the tunnel.