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This journal entry is viewable only by JustV's friends.
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The last time I wrote here I had no idea that I would be where I am now. Alone. He is gone. He is done with the marriage. I am a 'moron' I am 'crazy' I am the 'psycho'. He is finished with me. He does not even care if we get a divorce since he has left. He does not give a damn. How do you walk away from someone? How does a person hurt another person so deeply and not even blink? I am so devasted. I want him to feel the pain. I want him to suffer. This will never happen but if I could just give him a dose of pain...just make him feel what I feel like every waking moment. Be inside my heart and soul and feel the blood pouring out...the wound is so gaping and deep and dark and just looking out of my eyes is scary. The darkness is comsuming. I am buried alive and can not breath. There is only black dirt. I can not breathe.
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I know exactly how you feel. They should have to feel the pain they exact on others it is only fair. I am sorry you are hurting so terribly. Michele.
mwolf
I am sorry too, to hear you are experiencing so much pain. It's cliche time,I find, when someone dumps you. Evryone tells you time heals, plenty more fish in the sea, all useless at the time because all you want is to not feel the pain of rejection. My last long time relationship ended five years ago and I still cry about it sometimes. How can someone tell you things such as how much they love you, never leave you etc and then dump you? I get angry too now that time has gone on, all that waste of my emotions, angry that it creeps into my current relationship But I fought back. And it really is his loss, you are not crazy, you are not a moron and you are not a psycho. Don't let him define you. You are you, with an illness that is complicated and that with the right support you can tolerate. And the gift of emotions that you may not like experiencing sometimes, but I'd rather be emotional than a coldhearted indifferent machine. Not sure I am maing a lot of sense but what you wrote touched me. Stay strong. Thinking of you.
scillysnowprincess