confuseddad's Journal

Today was a fantastic day. The kind of day that will help me get through the bad days. I went boating, jet-skiing, and swimming with my divorce-care group. What a great group of people. They are all going through the same thing that I am, and we are all dealing with this together.

Yesterday, my wife told me that she no longer loves me. She wants to proceed with the divorce. Yesterday was the day that I realized that I have done everything that I can to save our marriage, and nothing worked. Yesterday was the day that I started to let go. That did not feel good at all. Letting go of a 10 year marriage and of getting to see your kids every day after school hurts very badly. So my first choice is to be with my wife and family.

I know that what I want is to have my wife and family back. But since I cannot have that and I know that there is nothing else that I can do, I must take my second choice. That is to make the most out of what I DO have. That means having fun, doing things that I really enjoy, developing some new friendships, focusing on my work and internet businesses. This is not my first choice, but it is the choice that I realized yesterday that I must make. I can wallow in the fact that I cannot have my wife and family, or I can start to move on.

Today, I started to move on. It was very nice. Someone in my divorce care group said "Bill, you are smiling. It fits you well." Honestly, the only time that I have smiled during the past 2.5 months is when I am with my children. Today was the first time that I have smiled when away from my boys. A real milestone.