MARIENPAIN's Journal

Another bad couple days with a huge blow up tonight. I found out yesterday that he has 3 D's, need less to say we are not happy. This on top of Tommy catching him steal another ring of mine. He gets caught stealing a lot from me mainly. My jewelry a lot. Never can/will tell us why. He's always getting caught lying. Says I hate him and I show it because I don't trust him. How can  I trust my son when he regularly caught stealing and lying. I can't trust a thief and lier. He will not take any resposiblity. How can I correct someone who will not see their fault? He blames every one but him. Tonight he blamed Tommy for being drunk because he was mad and yelling. He hasn't drank in so long. That pissed us off more than anything. He's always bring up our past mistakes but can't bare to hear about his. I recorded him on my camera so I can show him the video later. Which pisses him off, he can't stand to see him self. He won't look in the mirror when he's like this. He also told Tommy that he's a demon. And everyone hates him. I don't know why he would say that unless it's too piss me off more. He is slowly killing me and it's the most painful way to die. Worse than drowning or being barried alive or kidnapped, and tortured. I am not very religious, but I do believe in God and I am pissed at him. The one question I need answered WHY?  Never get it answered. I don't think I ever will, maybe this is my punishment? I must be a bad person and don't want to see myself. Maybe Aharon and I are more alike? Maybe I am a demon.

Not happening.............

I haven't been on here much lately, and I am not sure why? It started with severe face pain and migraines but I just haven't been able to get back to normal. I am starting to think I am dealing with a case of depression of sorts, but it's different than any other time, so I am not sure. I know I am under a lot of stress which is really hard for me. It doesn't help with the migraines and fibromyalgia. I hope I can figure it out and start WANTING to do the little that I did before, like come on DS. Maybe I realize how negative I feel right now and don't want to rub off on anyone? I just really don't know.........it sucks though. Feeling like crap but not sure what it is exactly.