Shu444's Journal

The holidays suck! The loss of our baby (even though it was 5 months ago) has hit really hard since Thanksgiving. I sat and talked to my sister about it. I should be 7 months pregnant and preparing for the birth of my first baby, but instead, I am still mourning the loss right around the holidays. I don't have anyone that I can talk to about everything that I am feeling, so I am trying to get through this. It is just really hard around the holidays.

 Chris and I are trying to have a baby again, but I am still scared. I don't want to lose our next baby as well. I sometimes think that I have had a few miscarriages since the one in July, but I don't have any medical proof on it, so I tell myself that I haven't. I hope that my body is ready to have a baby again.

 Things at work are okay, but I have a class that is starting to get really rough. There are 11 kids in the class. I have just gotten one of the wild ones under control in the past week or so....under control for at least 3 days of the week. That is definitely an improvement. But, I just got another back from the alternative school, and he adds to the pressure that I have to deal with with a few other regular students that cause me constant heart ache. I don't know how to get students to care when they are completely apathetic about what they are doing. Nothing that I say or do helps the situation, and I am out of ideas. I am also starting to get out of patience as well. That is what is really hard to admit. I shouldn't lose my patience before Christmas, but that is the point that I am at. I don't know what to do with my students who are constant behavior problems. I cannot stress enough how important their education is and how much I do not want them to be sent to the alternative school for 9 weeks, but they do not listen. With all of the problems that they are causing in the classroom, they are robbing the other students of their educations, and I have some students that are really trying in the class so that they can get out of some of the sped classes that they are in, and they know that only hard work, good grades, and good test scores will allow them to do that. I hate that they have to deal with the garbage that is occurring in the classroom. It is a real shame. I also do not think that I am getting enough support from home.....this is obvious when all of the phone numbers that we have at the school are disconnected or invalid. I have to hunt to find a working phone number, and then I do not get any feedback from parents that is useful. I know that if I ever get a phone call from a teacher concerning misbehaving of my child, there would be some serious consequences at home. Nothing is occurring at home, and the students do not fear their parents. I really think that is part of the problem. When I was in school, I feared my parents finding out what I did at school, and that is what kept me on the straight and narrow through school. I don't understand why some parents allow their children to run buck wild in the way that they do. In my opinion, if you are not going to raise your child with an ounce of respect or decency, then you need to keep your legs shut. I am sorry if that offends anyone who is reading this, but that is how I feel. I cannot stand the fact that I have to deal with some of these children who treat me like a dog and show no respect for me. If they do not care for their education, then they should at least respect me as an authority figure.....HA! What a laugh! Students respect an authority figure? What a joke!

 Anyway, I don't know what to do anymore. I am working at Sylvan now, and I just love it. The kids are great, and I get to help people who really want to learn. It is a complete change from the fighting that I do from 9-3 everyday with my regular students.