AJ1's Journal

sorry for not keeping up with you guys at the moment, but without my laptop it is really hard to get on a computer with internet, anyways hope you are doing ok, and things are going well in your life.

Whats been happening lately in my life is a load of stuff, the most dramatic as you all know is I am heavily involved in politics and public speaking, which I really love doing. But due to things been how they have been over the last few weeks I have found it really hard to remain positive and upbeat and at times I have to admit that I have been down and negative with people around me,

 yet I had not realised how much so till today when I found out that the lady who heads up the politics and public speaking work I have been doing down here as found my neagativity of late a bit much and has withdrawn me PERMENTLY from all public speaking and politics work, which I have to admit I was rather shocked to hear that this was happening, as I dont always realise when I am being negative and how much so, as when I was growing up at home negativity was the norm and it was extremly rare for people to be positive in my family so whereas being negative is easy for me it is much harder being positive, but I am beginning to see that I am being rather negative at times and now am putting things in place (like getting people to tell me when I am being negative) to stop speaking so negatively and speak more positively.

Also as I was talking to people I realised I have been removed from this work because I am not afraid to speak my mind, I will say it how it is I will not pretend everything is ok when it is not, which I was encouraged to do by people in this work, now look what happens they stab me in the back and remove me from the work and dont even have the decency to tell me themselves rather they pass the buck to someone else to tell me

But like I was saying I was shocked to hear that this woman had PERMENTALY pulled me out of this work I was love doing, as I would of thought before taking such drastic action she would of spoken to me about what I was doing and told me if I continued behaving this way then I would of been removed from this work, yet I had no such warning and I realised myself to late to do anything.

I so wish that I could turn the clock back and realised earlier that I was doing this then I would of worked on stopping it as I really did not want to lose this work which I have now lost. I just want to end this journal with a question and that is this: How can you unlearn something which as a kid you were brought up to believe was totally normal? If anyone could help me answer this it would be really helpful as I dont want to lose anything else that I am passionate about and love doing