AJ1's Journal

I have so messed up my life, I have been at the YMCA now for twelve months, in that time my attention has been taken up by several big events that have happened in my life, which needed priority over other things. now I have almost got through them and can focus more on the reasons I came to this place in the first place, that being getting my life sorted.

I am generally a very independent person who likes to do things herself and really struggles to ask for help. This is something I have really struggled to overcome whilst I have ben here, yet I have now begun to realise that I cant work out all these things on my own and need some help, unfortunatly two big things stand in my way one being I have played such a good act of coping myself that the staff here cant seem to understand that i am struggling in certain areas.

But though this is a problem my bigger problem is my age though I am only 24 (the YMCA I am living in is for 16 - 30 yrs old, which you are able to live in upto 2 years) and at least to thirds of the staff who work here say that I should still live here because there are areas in my life I really need help with that the YMCA can help me with, and based on them I should be here for the forseeable future, but what is so holding me back is my age.

Firstly because of my age I can not be in a shared room and have a keyworker (in a shared room you get alot of support off an assigned keyworker in the areas which you have difficulty in) so instead I am in a single room which you are only allowed very small amounts of support, which is not ideal but at least better then none, secondly in this YMCA at this time it seems that they are trying to fill it up with 16, 17 and 18 years old as apparently they need the support therefore the people over this age are either now not getting in here or are being moved out of here to make room for the younger ones because of this it looks like I could be moved out soon though at this  time no one has said anything, it really looks like it is coming, not because I am ready to live on my own and certain areas in my life are sorted but just purely because of my age.

This is ok in a sense as they do need help, but my question is what about the ones who are older then that, where do they go for the support they need to get their lives on track, because honestly there is no where for them no one who can really offer the help these people need, at least for the younger ones they are allowed in this country to access additional help from the social services department to get their lives on track, something the older ones can not access.

So basically the message being given out in this country at this present time is if you are in the 16 - 18 yrs bracket, then this country will move heaven and earth to help you, yet if you are unfortunate to be over that age and not have your life sorted then basically you are screwed as there is becoming less and less places you can go for help and more importantly support, as in this country they expect you to have all your difficulties and struggles worked out by the time you are 19. Which for some people is just not posible for whatever reason.

So I was just wondering what I should do in this situation, as I came to the YMCA because I was led to believe that they would help me which I now realise they would do if I am younger but not my age, as really this is my last chance to get my llife sorted and on track and if I lose this place I am REALLY going to struggle out there at this time and so dont want to,All I am asking for is to be allowed to have some time to just deal with a few areas in my life and get my life back on track before I leave here is that really to much to ask???????