gilgraphic's Journal

Journal Entry for April 22, 2008 Mood

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I am in the middle of a fight at the moment with myself.

Its hell, it hurts, its causing arguments with MARK.

He told me he is sorry he booked the damm holiday and he is not looking forward to it!!! I don't blame him to be honest. He actually looked resigned to the fact that I fuckd up AGAIN.

Today I am going to the therapist. Though through the research I have done on panic talking about is not helping only fueling the anxiety.

What can I do!!!!

I am in a constant state of anxiety now. I am sad. I feel so alone. I am so sorry to my family for this. They don't deserve it. What am I to do?

I..............well I have to go now. Please understand if I don't return your messages. I am a bit busy at the moment. lol

I need someone to take away the pain but the only person who can help is me and at the moment I am in no fit state. The fight is hard and exhausting. I have to put on a smile so I don't upset Mark and the kids. What can I do?

I HAVE GONE BEYOND SADNESS.......................................Please understand

I am sorry I have let you down. I can't win!!!!

Hug gilgr...

Send to a Friend

Comments

Sis, I am so sorry.....I know you feel bad and upset that you have let everyone down, but you haven't..... you still have plenty of time to turn this all around! Hopefully the therapy will help today, I pray that it does..... I know the last thing you need right now is for Mark to tell you he's sorry he booked the holiday, that is only making you feel worse.... dig deep down Sis.......... you CAN BEAT THIS.... I KNOW YOU CAN.........PLEASE PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.......I WON'T. I understand you need time now to deal with this, but I'm here, you know that, and I'm there with you every day in spirit........Hang in there, and keep fighting.. do it for yourself.. love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx sis

lacrossemom
Gosh, I'm so sorry! I remember when everything snapped for me...and I never want to go there again. It's the best time to see the docs. Let them see how upset you are. Pleeeease listen to them and take the meds they want you to. Meds gave me the support I needed to help myself. You will get better. You know, with me, travel set me off, but it wasn't the reason for the anxiety. Maybe it's not the trip. Give hubby a break...he can't understand and doesn't know how to help and is frustrated as well. One day at a time. Your friends are here. Big, Big Hug!!

joanna3
You can count on me to help you as best I can. We've already talked about mantras, and it's really important you follow through repeating them over and over again. Fake smiles won't do it!!! xoxox Oli

DistantOrbit
Oh my goodness you poor girl hopefully the therapist can help you! You need something for the anziety! Take care of yourself!

upstateNY62499