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nothing i do is good enough for anyone... i am damn fucking proud of myself for getting a car and licence...but thats nothing. i have over come and somewhat gotten over my abuse.... and its about time. im done wasting my feeling on everyone else... noone comforts me or supports me or does anything for me. i am all alone. i do not feel alone. i am alone. physically and emotionally alone. if i died today i wouldnt ahve a funeral. noone one would come and clame my body. i would disappear. tell me im exaggerating all you want. i know that is the sad truth. i came to this site to find support and there is none. i try to give it but no. so i dont need this bullshit site. you all can whine to eachother about how much your life sucks how strong you are when you have a bed to sleep in and food to eat and someone to pay for your funeral when you kill youself. while i live mine alone
im tired of being ignored.. im tired of not being special of being not noticed.. im am never the best i am never the worst.im not even average. i never get credit for anything i do. i save lifes at work everyday and noone cares. if i took one it probably wouldnt be in the newspaper. i need to know what makes me so invisable... so unnoticable. because im getting so desperat for attention imn afraid i will do something stupid just for a little bit. i try and be fun and outgoing... and nothing. im sad and depressed and its like people get mad like i have no reason to be.... why is it that a girl can cry over a breakup with her boyfriend.. but i have to suck it up when faced with being homeless and painful memories? and yes i really am going to be homeless... i will be living in my car by this time next month. people cry at the funerals of people who gave up and killed themselves.. but ignore the living strong. i want to be loved. i want to help people. i want to be the answer. i want people to hear my story and cry that someone could have gone threw so much and lived... like i do when i read half the stories on here.
fuck i hate myself for writting this entry. i hate myself cuz im fucking begging for attention from the people on this site. im fucking pathetic. im done
Comments
these crystal tears keep falling
they dont help the pain
i do not know if i feel
or if im just insane
i hear them calling for me
these demons of my past
they hurt me deep inside
i dont think i will last
and these crystal tears keep falling
breaking on the floor
im tired of being haunted
i dont want this anymore
i sence my life is fading
yet i can not feel it go
i hurt myself today
scars are all i know
and these ruby tears keep falling
bleeding from my soul
sorrow courses through me
life is taking its toll
the masks i wear to hide the me
are piled high by the door
the broken child you will never see
and these ruby tears keep falling
splashing on ground
crystal tears running from my eyes
such chaos with no sound
they dont help the pain
i do not know if i feel
or if im just insane
i hear them calling for me
these demons of my past
they hurt me deep inside
i dont think i will last
and these crystal tears keep falling
breaking on the floor
im tired of being haunted
i dont want this anymore
i sence my life is fading
yet i can not feel it go
i hurt myself today
scars are all i know
and these ruby tears keep falling
bleeding from my soul
sorrow courses through me
life is taking its toll
the masks i wear to hide the me
are piled high by the door
the broken child you will never see
and these ruby tears keep falling
splashing on ground
crystal tears running from my eyes
such chaos with no sound
Comments
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and of course no one comments... how dumb am i to think someone would.. fuck you im being self pitying... its not like i get sympathy from anyone else... i tell tell a story and everyone has to fucking up it one and tell me its not so bad.... im sorry but to me it is bad. horribly umbearably bad
Past Entries
Goal Updated
Why are you gonna be homeless? I thought your mom was helping you. :(
NanaO
Hey i only just logged on today and also read your post in LR! im not sure why the post was ignored, but i just wanted to show my support and offer an ear if you wanted. I know how lonely and stressful life can be on your own and i honestly would like to help if i can. I know we havnt spoken before but please message me if you want to talk. I hope you are ok
Vik
Dixy