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crystalraja's Profile

Feeling:		- Ok
Gender:	Female
Age:	22
Location:	Silver Springs, FL
Interests: nothing. except... well... i cant do that so...nothing finding an excuse to kill myself
About Me: there is no point in writing something here...no one read this shit...or want to know me. dont bother adding me im a worthless repulsive person whos gonna die soon anyway. i have a myspace that noone looks at... www.myspace.com/stoneraja3 i have an aim screen name that noone talks to me on... stoneraja3

Recent Activity

Friday, May. 16

female rapist? and other thoughts

well i think its a combination of t...

i dont know why i bother asking for...

crystalraja replied to crystalraja in the helpless to help Discussion 12:01am

Thursday, May. 15

helpless to help

$\/$ More Activity

10:16 pm	well i think its a combination of the exercise.. the being out and about..having a job... and actually starting to putting my life together... but i feel great right now... i can afford to get the piercings and tattoo i want... i can afford to buy... [More]
Yesterday	i dont know why i bother asking for help.. everyones worse off that me.. i have no right to be sad...i cant help anyone... why should i expect anyone to help me.. when i sleep i dream and when i dream i can hear screaming... i can feel so muc... [More]
Yesterday	that sexual abuse is fucking everywhere.. i cant escape it or help anyone else... i had the best day today... i felt great.. then i come here and read about people who i cant help no im angry...so deeply angry... i have met... [More]
05/13/08	i dont want to make it another night... i want togive up and why shouldnt i why cant i be selfish for once? this place isnthelping im sick of sitting on... [More]
05/13/08	and im makingmy self sick they wont keep me some excuse to keep the fat scarred lesbo in the boy shorts away from the park what a fuck up i am to think i could be hired.... [More]

Read Hugbook

I'm With You

simpleD (10:58 pm)

I am not a hugger but hey, your thoughts in your post tend to travel a similar path I once did, or am. I hope you are well, if ya ever need to talk and I am on feel free.
Hug

beiceth (7:29 pm)

Come ON Gal! Sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other! And I AM listening!XO!
Flower

Roc2054 (Yesterday)

for someone woh needs thats TLC and a good friend

View All

Progress

35 %

Current Weight (Lbs)

210

Goal Completed on Apr 17, 08

i cut. its now more of a competitive, scar and blood thing. and to remind me that i still feel.
Treatments
getting piercings/ tattoos (Working / Worked) acceptable means of getting pain
Group Therapy (Not Working) DBT therapy. didn't help because they didnt make the pain go away like cutting did
Talking (Somewhat Helpful) i tried telling friends therapist, roomates, and it only helped because i didnt want them to think poorly of me.
16 Members 109 Posts

I have always acted like a boy, helping my dad with the manual labor and at school doing "boy stuff". my first kiss was with a girl in kindergarden. I have tried to be liked so i kept it a secret, but everyone knew. i said i wasnt gay, but i have gone farther with girls. now that i am out, things have not gotten easier. i actually feel more alone. maybe i am just looking in the wrong place.
Treatments
having sex with girls (Working / Worked) is it working. yes it is.
5 Members 5 Posts

been diagnosed since i was 8 years old.
Treatments
Adderall (Working / Worked)
Concerta (Somewhat Helpful) made me sick
Ritalin (Somewhat Helpful) made me feel dead
1 Member 10 Posts