gabie's Journal

            i'm using blue because i got that sad lomsome blues

you know the kind of blues that  you've fallen and cant  get up  the kind

that people kick you while your down  and even worse the  kind that

peolpe hate  you  when  the world all around you gets all gray and everything is darkend and you cant see.

AND there is only hate and no love and that  you feel that the whole world is out to get you and that the whole world hates you and you feel that even

god dose'nt seam to care and your so depressed that you dont want  to be aorund your self. well that is how i feel today. AND i dont want to even want

be around myself and if i hate my self so much why am i stll alive why am i still living kowing that i  sill exist  even through i dont want to be anymore.

Beacause that is all that  love has done to me.  why in my stburn soul and my hard head  and my harden cold icey heart of  shaterd glass.

Have to make me be who i am i just feel that even through  i'm not in love with jeff anymore  and that because of it  i have to suffer all the conaqences. Is that why i'm in love  with another man. I  love dusty

but not  to the instencet  to get over my ex i  love dusty for who he realy is

i just wish that me and jeff  can put our stbern pride aside and for him to be

suportive of me in all the dission that i mke in my life. i have gouls  and dreams that i want to acomplish in my life  and i exstreamly need jeff to back off so i can. I didnt mean for this to happen this way  i need to be able to live my life for god on my own. AND i dont see how i can if jeff  dose'nt let me so i'm asking for advise  from everybody on how to let jeff down easy without hurting his feelings. AND  that is why i'm  sad and blue today.

                               HAPPY NEW YEARS