been thinking a lot about babies …
been thinking a lot about babies and pregnancy. i am starting to feel obsessive about it again. i started …
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uggg, so I have been feeling pretty low the past few days. I think it is all of the buzz around Halloween and the upcoming four month anniversary of Nina's death. Lately, there have been a lot more days when I worry if I am depressed, or worse, if I am going to feel like this forever. Crying seems to help a little, but there is so little time for me to cry during a day, and then I go back to wondering if something is wrong with me, should I feel better than this by now? Will I feel better than this someday? When will I wake up thinking about something other than why? or here I go again.
The worse part is all of the anger I feel towards people, people who have done absolutely nothing wrong. The anger is out of control and totally unreasonable. I feel angry at my friends who haven't called since September, I feel angry at my sister who I am certain is pregnant, but is too scared to tell me ( I can't blame her). I feel angry at my husband, for not taking any initiative to help us find a grief counselor it goes on and on. My sister in law got a book deal with a pretty big publisher and I am even resentful that something so good is happening in her life when I know I should be really excited and proud. But all i can wonder is when will something good come my way. I know I sound like a total baby, and I am not proud of these feelings at all, I wish I could just set them free and feel lighter, kinder, and content.
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All those same questions and feelings are swimming through my mind as well. I just wish I had an answer to atleast one. My four month mark is coming up soon too, on the 7th. Hugs.
NicOG
I think how you're feeling is normal. I still have good and bad days, and it's been over 8 months since I lost Devin. It seems the worst for me around AF. Those hormones don't help! I too wonder when something good will happen. I said to my husband last night that I'm tired of the up and down, and I wonder when I'll really feel better. Hang in there, you're not alone.
Jen2279
Mate - good one you fo just writing tese feelings. That's what DS is for - to sound like a baby if you want too -(although you are not)
hanna30