raeofsunshine80's Journal

havnt had a period for 3 weeks!! and im a hell of alot saner most days. yeah for metformin and regulating hormones. im feeling alot better these days, hormones arnt woring overtime... oh ya and i am pretty sure i ovulated this month i was like wtf? its so strange not having the hormones making me sluggish (more) erratic depressed and useless on top of the bp bpd and postpartum. that was like throwing a match onto dynamite... i even walked tru walmart the other day in the candy section and got sick to my stomache just thinking about eating candy... and now im full on half what i used to be... it feels so strange, to not be craveing carbs...



also now i see why they say the hardest time for a bipolar women is post partum... it really exaggerates things and changes your body chemistry so things that worked before dont. most people dont bother to get to know me, they only know my moods. its strange alot of what i experienced from postpartum was similar to the bipolar but more intense.


vivid tortured dreams intrusive racing thoughts. lack of restful sleep...extreme moodiness paranoia anxiety... to the outside world i suppose it just looked like more of the same... but even though it was a similar experience it was different. more of the same but the cause is different.



thought i may never feel the love i knew i had for her. but i can now and she hugged me for the first time this week... and it means so much more having to have gone through that. the hardest part was knowing she felt the disconnect. and my depression... darn kids and being emotional barometers.. so next time your toddler acts out ask yourself am i stressed out and not paying enough attention to them? sometimes they just need you to slow down and just hug them. take it from someone who is as emotionally mature as an infant or toddler.


i am so glad its nearing an end and so seems is my horrific pms... its not quite over. but its alot better.