masso1's Journal

Journal Entry for March 15, 2007 Mood

Thursday, March 15, 2007

OK GUYS!!! ALOT OF PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I AM SO FAGUE WITH MY TOPICS AND JOURNALS.IM GOING TO LET ONE OUT OF THE BAG!!! THIS SAT-ST PATRICKS DAY WAS THE DAY MY MOTHER DIED, DUE TO A HOUSE FIRE. SHE HAD BEEN DRINKING WAY TO MUCH AS USUAL AND BETWEEN THAT AND SMOKING, YEA!!!GOT THE PICTURE. WELL, NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH SUCH A SCARY THING. AND I STRUGGLE WITH THE FACT THAT SHE WAS SO TERRIBLE TO MY SISTER, BROTHER AND MYSELF. WE ENDURED SO MUCH ABUSE-ALL KINDS OF ABUSE. NEGLECT, EVERYTHING. I FEEL I AM SO BLESSED NO MATTER WHAT TO HAVE MADE IT THROUGH 15 YEARS OF HELL. BUT THERE WAS STILL A LOVE THERE AND SOME FORGIVENESS. SO IT GETS TUFF AROUND THIS TIME OF YEAR WITH SO MANY MIXED EMOTIONS. IT WILL PASS!!! THEN IN APRIL MANY YEARS AGO MY BRIOTHER WAS SHOT AND KILLED. HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD ABUSED AND THEN THAT. SO UMMMMM, I DONT KNOW!!!!! BLESSINGS TO ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LUV YA GUYS!!!!

Hug masso1

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Comments

You have every right to feel the way you feel with mixed feelings and emotions and when a person has love in their heart and is a good person, no matter what they do to you there is still is that love in your heart and thats why you are one of the few people in this world who are on the good side. Expect different emotions alot of mixed ones, also expect to be in a bad mood its ok you might even feel confused. I feel this way about my mom and no matter what I only wish my brother the best. You may forgive but you will never never forget. I am always here for you. I know EXACTLY AND I MEAN EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING.

inalotofpain
Your feelings are real and it's okay to feel them. I can't imagine losing a family members. I've been very fortunate to have a great family, yes we have disfunctions but we've always been there for each other. Bless you for all that you lived through. Your not alone though there are people who have suffered as you have,probably most the people on this site. Scream your pain and anguish out here we'll understand.

Daytoday
you have some similarities with myself.you seem to be adjusting to life and living it pretty well.how long have you been in recovery???it's nice to see you risk and find this community of people who support you i'm just getting into it.(daily strength)i'm a recovering alcoholic with a little more than 7yrs. sober.facing life today seems to be more of a struggle than drinking.i have manic depressive disorder with other symtoms.i also have a long history of love addiction.if you can offer any hope please do.thanks again for being brave!!!!

biankha