Journal Entry for October 18, 2007
Well it has been way to long since I wrote in my journal. I actually wrote last week and spent quite sometime doing so. I was up very late and some …
is feeling OK
Currently I work for Home Depot as a design specialist for about 5 yrs. My family is primarily my husband. He is my best friend and very supportive. We have no children. We have been married 2yrs. in sept. He is my sunshine. My passion is being creative in art work. I love working with children. I am going to school to be an elemetary school teacher. All my life I have been told "God never gives you anything you can not handle, He only gives you what will make you stronger." Angels are watching over us. I am scared of how this treatment will change me. For the good and for the bad. I am trying to stay positive. I am so lucky to have a husband and mother n law that love me. Not many can say that their mother n law is like a mom to them and that they are like a best friend too. I am very blessed. I want to grow old with the love of my life and sit in a our rocking chairs outside on the porch. We want to watch the leaves change color and one day when we have children we will watch them too and of course our grand children. There is so much more to life than this. I can not wait to go to back to school and become a teacher. Kids bring so much life to me. Their purity and sweetness is a reminder to me when I was a child and the time I spent with my dear mother that I lost when I was 8yrs old. She took her life. It was one of the worse things that ever happened to me. I want to be a mom who can work, have the same time off as my kids do, have dinner on the table, clothes washed and both brian and I can go to any practice or game that he or she would want to go. We have talked about how important it was to us that our kids will have that option. I did to a point but he never did. I am looking foward to the rest of my life. I know "everything is going to be okay" brian always tells me that and it is amazing how good it makes you feel and free inside too. My husband is my sunshine and my only sunshine he will be.
I love to play in the dirt and plant flowers and herbs. I like to go 4 wheeling, taking the boat out, fishing deep sea or in a trout stream, I also love very big loud desil trucks and fast cars, I enjoy camping, I love going to work with my husband and helping him out, I love to dance (I was a ballet dance for 13 years.) I love to create flower arrangements. Currently working on two weddings. Which will be over soon. I have done all decor and will be there the day before to make sure the decor is set up with out a hitch. They both are dear friends and after they saw my wedding and the flowers I made they wanted the same too. I work mainly with silk but can work on fresh as well. I love playin with my friends children and taking them to Mcdonalds and a playground get some Ice cream and then give them back. I love hanging out with my best friend that I have known since 9th grade. About as long as I have known my husband. I make blankets for friends little ones and for the children who do not have one because they can not afford one. I love working with the community and doing all that I can. I also love to go snowboarding, man is that fun! I am just getting into yoga and so far it is good. I for got how limber I use to be. My husband wants me to get involved dancing again when I feel better and do some yoga for a while. Dancing was the best thing to me. It took my mind off the world. The grace and beauty said it all.
Well it has been way to long since I wrote in my journal. I actually wrote last week and spent quite sometime doing so. I was up very late and some …
Last time I wrote I expressed how upset I was due to an office visit with the pain clinic. I did talk to my cousler about it and she is to talk to …
It has been a while since I have been on here. I have been having a hard time since I took my last shot. Which was my 3rd. I took that last shot …
Today was a better day. At first it was alittle rocky in the morning. Brian was so sweet with me this morning. I got upset or aggrivated with …
It has been 5 days since I was online. I hope that everyone is doing well and feeling alright. Last time I wrote I was pretty upset. I have been …
Hugs to You, friend! Long time no hear from! Hope You are well!
Happy Today!
Love you for your in couragement....my sister in God!!!
HOPE ALL IS WELL FOR YOU.
I am 26. I had surgery a few months back, a couple of shots in my hips, and went to the nail salon for a pedicure. It was a freak way how this happened. It was Acte and I almost died b/c I was so jaundice. I stayed for 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital. The liver byopsy almost killed me too. I lost 4 pints of blood. Got a blood transfusion for the first time. The ATL CDC is investigating my past 6 months prior to me getting this. I only had it for 3 to 12wks when I was dx. on easter this yr.
I always feell like I am stressing or having anxiety. After my mother died I used to get panic attacks. That time of the month was and is a nightmare. I get very ill with everyone and myself and I start shaking. I have a hard time relaxing and letting things go. I seem to also live in the past not in the future and I know that is part of my problem. Having Hep C now does not help. I am always freaking out and I do not sleep very well even before the Hep C. Ativan has been a blessing.
I am ocd in cleaning and when I start something it has to be just right. No one else can do it but me. I work in my sleep. I design rooms in my sleep. I think about school in my sleep. I have to say I clean with a toothbrush and softscrub with bleach.
I have always shown some sort of depression. I have had to face a great deal of death. First my mother took her life and then my 3 bestfriends were killed in a car accident. I also grew up with a horrible stepmother that puts the devil to shame. I focus in the past instead of the future. I have a hard time moving on. I feel like a stay sad all the time. I always have liked sleeping. Now I can hardly sleep due to the hepc. I ache so bad and somethimes just can not sleep. so I sleep my day away.