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ok, so i decided late tuesday night that i would go to 6 flags with my bro and friend katie the following day. which was a near disaster. we got lost on the way up. drove trhough small towns. for a long time. then missed the exit. and if u miss the exit, your in trouble cuz it's aong time b4 another exit comes up (it's that way in western MA)...so she pretty much bitched at me cuz i was supposed to be looking at the directions. ok, she's the driver. not me. why am i responsible??? but she and jen came to my work that tueday to ask me about 6 flags. they wanted a definite answer and i was at work, plus jen was angry at me. and katie always tries to defend jen. she says "jen's just angry (first she said she was just tired) about you not having your license" bs......she keeps changing her story..... and she got pulled over by a cop, almost got a ticket......so then after we left the park, we stopped at a rest stop to use the bathroom....but katie left her cell phone in the bathroom. and she figured it out 30 minutes down the road! then we were lost, again...... we went in circles for over an hour. to the point where we found the same toll guy everytime we went around....first she said she needs the numbers......then she says she loves her phone, once again chaning her story......w/e.... then we get a tet that jen is in the hospital........of course my lil bro starts cryig then i cry......because after the most recent condesending thing she said to me i was upset, and she was doing it all day.....then i asked after she said something "is that why your acting bitchy?" and that was the last thing i said to her..but she's ok now....so i had a breakdown..... it was about my sister, the day in general being tired, and life........she claims that my life is easy or whatever... because i said life was hell at home....she says she had diffuclt parents at which she has to referee....which she does. but she CHOOSES to come home. she lives in RI! she chooses to come home. she chooses her rommates. I DON'T. i HAVE to live here. and she says she has relationsip issues and she juggles to jobs and was in school. well tough, she chooses who she wants to be in a relationship with. then we had to stay an extra night.....which sucked cuz i wanted to sleep in my own bed. and she claimed to big part of the couch and the big pillow, which made sleep bad.....then mom was angry at me for whatever reason. how wonderful. thats my life. i don't choose to come home. she she says she knows so much about divorce and psychology...hahahah! is she a practicing therapist? she doesn't even major in psychology so don't tell me you know so much about it.......then i called into work for "family emergencies" cuz i was unsure of jen's condition. but i'm doing better now. yestersay was just hell.
one of my managers hates me. the one that is around most of the time. how does this manage to happen? when i've made mistakes he says little condesending things to me..... like he's annoyed with me...people can hate me....but he doesn't even know me and he hates me arleady. so seeing him if he's working puts me on edge. he let's the other girl have free ice cream and denied me.....but free ice cream is the least of my worries, lol. he talks about other people so horribly i can only imagine what he says about me......
and he's nice to everyone else!! yet he hates me...how does this wind up happening ot me?i always get hated on......by the things he says i can tell he thinks i have no personality and no sense of humor...i laugh all the time...he has no idea about my life and what i've been thru. so what i have trouble socializing....he's already written me off.....and another co-worker who works all the time (why can't the people who barely work hate me instead?) she loves to point out my mistakes. on the register if i put down a mcchicken with no pickles, she'd say "There ARE no pickles on the mcchicken!!" and the school i want to go to next year, she told me "No offense but i feel so bad for you" when i told her i was going to it next year. how helpful. and i'm working 230-10.......
she's kinda the know it all type of coworker who thinks she's better than everyone else.....
but why does he only hate on me?? i'm sad about it. if he knew me and hated me, then i could then make peace with it. but knwoing he's ready to jump on and be sracastic about every mistake makes me freak out......
i don't talk about it to my co-workers, mostly not to cause drama....and since he's nice to everyone but me, everyone else loves him.
i'm a peaceful person.......not out to make anyone's life any harder.
the attitude i'm trying to have is.....if he doesn't like me it's his problem, and i shouldn't let someone else have such control over my emotions.........but he doesn't know me..... and he already hates me.
theres a few co-workers which i can get along with...... but who knows how long that will last.
i'm just really upset right now. co-workers don't bother me as much as managers do if they don't like me. but i have to have a certain amount of contact with managers...so it makes life difficult when i wanna cry in the middle of work but must continue to take orders because the manager was being an ass again....
prayers needed!
after mastering the technical stuff (how to work the register, restocking things and tidying up) i now need to learn about my co-workers. the fun people, the goodmanagers, the managers who let things slide and are really laid back...the bitchy co-workers. sometimes i'm confused about people's intentions. i'm on the fence about some people. sometimes their nice, sometimes their not....it's like bipolar mania. lol. their are 2 new girls that seem to be nice...and i know what it's like to be new, so if you know someone who's willing to answer questions it's a big relief.
but as i said before, i am still confused about some people...maybe time will iron that out.
so i'm pretty wiped out...but had to write some feelings down. another thing is ...i rarely speak of an inncident that hapend when i was inappropriately touched when i was 1....it's hard to talk about. even thugh it wasn't that horrible....but i have a problem with people touching me. even just poking me i the shoulder...which my brother and sister decided to do the other night.....and they don't know about the inciden, so they think i'm just being a snob when i say "please don't touch me" i told my parents once about the incident but don't think they remember....so dad kinda thought i was over reacting too..the incident hapend when i took karate....and thats why i really dropped out. i don't remember what i told everyone though... this is really hard to talk about. but mom kinda seemed like she knew when jen brought up that i hit her when she kept poking me...maybe she didn't...
so i just wana put these past few days behind me.......it's been emotionally tough...mom also went on another cleaning rampage talk. it was more fair this time, which i do give her kudos for. we even laughed toward the end of the talk, lol.... we all were in the same room.....so it wasn't just me getting lectured.
