Kacysunshine's Journal

So, I only have 6 more weeks until the baby is due to make his grand appearance. Up until this point I don't think it has really hit me, but now it kind of is and it's a little bittersweet feeling. Of course I can't wait to meet the new little guy and experience a new life, a new personality, but at the same time it makes me sad to think that Caden will no longer be an only child. I love him sooo much, it's hard to imagine loving another child as much as I do him. I know every parent who has more than one child says there is endless love in your heart, enough to give to each child equally. I just hope I can make Caden as happy as he is now, give him as much love and attention as humanly possible. I'm so scared and excited. This time it's so much different for me. I am definitely at a different place in my life, a happier, more adjusted place. There is much more calmness in my life now. But my heart and soul are so attached to Cade, he is my everything. It's awe inspiring to imagine loving this much all over again. I want Caden to love his brother as much as I love him. I want us to be a close family, and show each other as much affection as we do right now. I know the bond I will form with Cole will be different than what I have with Cade because they will be different little boys..That somehow makes me feel so much better inside...I know that what I have with Caden will be unique and special and will always be there, and the same thing with Colten. I just hope I can balance it all. This is the first time I have realized how much my life is going to change since becoming pregnant the second time. I guess the same way Caden changed my life, how he taught me how to be a mom, how to love and be unselfish and giving, having a second child will teach me how to love 2 people, and how to teach them to love each other. I'm incredibly nervous and emotional about all of this. I can't believe it's all happening so soon!!! I just want to enjoy the last few precious weeks I have left with Caden. My little baby, who is still so little in my eyes, is not going to be the baby anymore :(

Life is beautiful though. and we are truly blessed.

Blah...

This is how my week has been so far...

I have had super low blood pressure for about a week now which is causing horrible dizziness, fainting spells (I have a huge knot on my head where I passed out yesterday and hit my head on the kitchen floor), nausea, extreme exhaustion to the point that I cannot even walk from the family room to the kitchen without feeling extremely fatigued, and the weirdest symptom is this LOUD constant pulsing in my ears. That is the most annoying part of all.

I bought a blood pressure monitor because I felt the need to keep an eye on this. My average numbers are 80/55. The lowest has been 72/45 (no wonder I passed out). Today it went up a little to 90/58. And I saw one of the doctors at my OB's office.

My normal ob is currently on maternity leave until after Labor Day. I have yet to have a pleasant experience with any other dr I have seen since she left. And I am scheduled to be seen now every 2 weeks until the baby comes.

Today I was made to wait an hour and 15 minutes in the little room, with this horrible pulsing and dizziness, and then when the doc came in, she completely blew me off, even tho I was in tears and could hardly stand up. She told me to avoid lying on my back. Good thing I don't lay on my back at all I told her. Next she told me to eat snacks between meals and drink a lot of water. (I have been doing this religiously for months). Apparently a woman's blood pressure can dip low during this stage of pregnancy because "blood pools in the legs".. but it wasn't until I had to ask about 15 questions that I managed to get this small piece of information out of her. She asked me 3 different times if I was having contractions. Um no. This is not the first time I have dealt with doctors who don't seem to bother much with their patients. She was just concerned about getting to all the other people who had probably been waiting just as long as I did. I've just taken it upon myself to take the week off work, rest and do my own research on the subject.

Needless to say I was furious when I left. I rescheduled an appt with a completely different doc for the next visit (hopefully she will be a nice one). Justin was nice enough to have left work to come and watch Caden and had to entertain a rambunctious toddler for an hour and a half. I felt that the visit was a complete waste of time.

When I got to my car, I decided to take my blood pressure. I was feeling unusually normal, kind of better (although super mad and frustrated). The reading was 120/68. Pretty much normal.

HA. The moral of the story was get pissed off, raise blood pressure to normal range and feel better. Who knew that's all it would take.

Babies are awesome, pregnancy not so great. 10 weeks to go.