JenO4's Journal

i haven't written in forever...i just haven't felt like putting my thoughts on paper lately...i think its just because i don't know how to feel right now. i mean i am extremely excited that maybe this IUI will get me pregnant and this time maybe i will have a beautiful in 9 months....but the meds staring at me and the idea of injecting myself is making me very nervous.  i think all the time about how much i want this i want a baby more than anything, but i never in a million years would have thought that i would be in this position.  does that mean i am not ready for this?  everyone says once we start the injections it will be a breeze and i am believing in that theory!!  i am someone that HATES needles.  i get very uncomfortable everytime i have to have blown drawn, but this is nowhere near that kind of needle and i know that.  i am just the type of person that over thinks EVERYTHING!!  i am hoping that after tuesdays med class i will feel more at ease with all of this.  if this results in a viable full term pregnancy i will prob fall over with joy!  i have forgotten all about the "how will we afford a baby"  "what are we gonna do about working after we have the baby"  none of that matters to me until that day is here where i come home with a newborn baby!  i almost feel at times that this is not ever gonna happen to me and that makes me get very mad at myself!  i have felt my whole life that i was meant destined if you will to be a mom! 

sigh....

i was in kohls the other day and there was this lady that walked into the store with a screaming little boy.  the little boy couldnt have been older than maybe 4.  his mom was basically dragging him by the arm while he was crying and screaming.  i mean he was having trouble catchin his breathe he was crying that hard.  the mom was just ignoring him.  a couple of minutes later i overheard her say, "that's enough now".  i felt so awful for this little boy.  now i dont know what happened before they got into the store but i do know that a child is a child and there is no reason to let your child cry like that.  i mean it hurt me to hear that little boy cry.  i wanted to run and give him a big and tell him he was gonna be OK.  am i a wack or what?  then when i was on line to pay there was a couple in front of me with another little boy.  this one was a little bit older maybe 6.  he was saying "daddy, daddy, daddy"  and the dad was completely ignoring him, so of course the little kid just kept calling his name, finally the little kid said "daddy i dont like you very much".  the dad then turned to him and said you better watch what you say now.  the little boy then proceeded to hit the dad.  and i dont think its right for children to hit their parents, but this poor little boy was being ignored.  i mean he was doing whatever he could to get his dad to acknowledge him.  what is wrong with people??  these are little kids.  they need love and support.  made me soo frustrated because i will never ignore my children.  i will never make them feel like crap.  i will love every second of them and i will shower them with love and support. 

i think this must be the onset of AF....she is do to make an appearance in 10 days.....my emotions are all over the place right now.  alright thats enough words for one day!!

i will update after i go to med class on tuesday night.  xoxo